Hello and welcome.
I'm sorry you're experiencing this problem with your son. From your description, if he is abusing alcohol (and/or drugs), this may be contributing to his disrespectful behavior. He could also have ODD--Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Here is more information about this:
As you can see, this mainly discusses children with this disorder, but it can be carried into 'adult' years, as well.
I'm sorry to hear about your car. If it's YOUR car and since you did not give permission for this kid to drive it, you can try to get reimbursed by your insurance company and also involve the authorities and hire a lawyer to help you. If you can't afford a lawyer, you can call Legal Aid. If your son was in possession of the car, with your permission, you should not allow him to use the car anymore.
You need to find out if he's telling the truth about seeing a counselor in college (call the school and ask the name of the counselor or counselors and get in touch with them) and of course, if this is true, she won't be able to discuss anything with you, due to client/patient confidentiality, plus, your son is over 18, so he's 'emancipated' and considered an 'adult' and his own person; however, you need to find a counselor to speak to, yourself and also try to get him to go with you to family counseling. If he refuses, just speak to someone on your own, to unburden yourself and make yourself feel better.
If he lives with you, rescind all privileges until he stops drinking and gets his act together. He may need to go to A.A. meetings and/or have an intervention with you and other family members/friends to help him help himself.
He's trying to play the guilt card, by saying everything is your fault. He knows everything he does is HIS fault, because he's his own person now, and NOT a child. I, too, am a single parent and I empathize with your frustration.
Try to get the professional help for both you and your son and I hope things will improve, soon!
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