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Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 21415
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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My 10yr old daughter will attend Morning Detention

Customer Question

My 10yr old daughter will attend Morning Detention Wednesday, for drawing inappropriate images. When her Dean of Students had her call me she said another girl, who also may be a friend of a girl who bullied her last year, MADE her draw the picture and write "do you want to have sex" and showed it to the boy. I told her no-one can make her do that because she has a mind of her own and can just refuse to. It is important to know that I found inappropriate Littlest Pet Shop videos, made by an adult, on her tablet. I took her tablet away for a while and talked to her about why an adult would make that type of video with a childs toy. Anyway, I am trying to decide what would be an appropriate consequence for her action? Write a letter of apology to all involved? And also how to explain to her how this kind of behavior sais or implies to others about the kind of person she is and that this could be seen as sexual harassment and she could be not only expelled from her school but arrested, or what would happen if the boy then followed her into a restroom and attacked her since she would have no recourse because she had given him a note of that nature. Help!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Cher replied 2 years ago.

Hello, and welcome.

I'm sorry your daughter is in this situation.

Is the image that she drew in school, the same as, or related to the inappropriate Littlest Pet Shop video made by an adult on her tablet? Do you mean that an adult had use of her tablet to place the videos there, or she went to a site and found that material?

Find out if you can buy a program for a tablet (or if it comes with it) with parental controls/locks, so she can't view particular sites by inputting certain words, etc., so only you can control what she views on her tablet, computer, phone (if she has one), etc. Taking her tablet away from her for a specified amount of time was a good move on your part, and a good consequence for her action.

As far as the punishment for the school incident, in addition to the school's punishment, of detention, I would take away certain privileges she enjoys, like TV, computer and/or tablet use (only if necessary for schoolwork and under your supervision), phone, and play dates with friends, for about a week.

A letter of apology is a great idea, and I would definitely try to get to the bottom of her story, regarding a friend of a girl that bullied her last year, 'made' her draw the picture and hand it to the boy. If your daughter is being bullied, this is very serious and must be reported to her teacher and the school administration.

You said many good things to her, but I would not mention anything about a boy following her into the restroom, etc., because that will make her afraid to go to the restroom. You CAN explain to her that her actions DO reflect the way others view her and that's why it's so important to always do the right thing and develop a reputation where people think well of you and don't think badly of you.

Have you had the 'birds and the bees' talk with your daughter and does she know about sex? If not, this would be a good age to start speaking to her about this; if so, she probably understands the basics, but her information should not come from friends or the internet, etc., because it's usually not correct.

I'm glad that you also talked to her about not doing what other people tell her, and being her 'own' person, making correct decisions on her on, based on HER values and what she has been taught at home. Tell her if anyone threatens her if she won't do something she doesn't want to do, she needs to tell you and her teacher, right away.

I hope this helped and things will improve!

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Warmest regards,