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Cher
Cher, Teacher
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 93
Experience:  Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2
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I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for 6 years now. We have lots of issues but my main one is how she treats my 10 year old daughter. We are a blended family. When we first met I had my daughter already and she was about 4 years old
at the time. Two years after me and her had a daughter together. SO now its the 4 of us. She clearly treats my daughter differently than she treats her child. She gives way more leniency to our daughter and is always hard on my daughter. Her excuse is that
my daughter is 11 and our daughter is 4. She doesn't give our daughter time outs ever and says she is too young for consistent discipline or else she would be in timeout all day. She always kisses and show lots of compassion and love to our daughter but never
says I love you or ever shows physical affection to my daughter. THE list goes on and on! We are currently living in Canada eventhough we met in the turks and caicos islands where I am from. Her mother (passed away now) was Canadian and her dad is also from
Turks and Caicos. She was working at a bank in turks and we met there. My family is very loving and helpful and I have a very secure and happy life in turks and caicos. The reason we left is because my parents don't really like her and they are still close
to my daughter's mother. She never made a real effort to connect with my parents and doesnt like the fact that they still keep in good form with my ex. I have full custody of my daughter because her mom cannot financially take good care of her and me and my
family can. My father is a very successful person on the island and our family is wealthy we own two homes both with pools, housekeepers, gardeners so my daughter lived very comfortbly there. I live in Canada now and don't even work here because I am completely
self supported by my Computer Services business back home in Turks and Caicos. My ex is still wanting to live the party life from time to time and does not put her kids first this is why I worry about sending her to live with her mom but my daughter still
wants to go back and be with her mom or even my parents. My dad is very structured and I know if she went to live with him and my mom she would be eating dinner on time getting to school on time etc.. I don't know what to do because I want my daughter to live
with me so badly but she herself has said it to the both of us that she is not happy here and she doesnt feel like things are FAIR between her and her sister. I can't take this anymore and after my daughter having lived like this for the past 3 years I really
want to send my daughter to live with my parents in Turks. Oh I forgot to add that my girlfriend is currently pregnant and due in August. This is also a reason I feel trapped. When I found out she was pregnant my heart sunk. Please help me please!!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  therapist325 replied 2 years ago.
Hello-hoping I can help a little with your question. It sounds like you have a lot going on and that you are pretty frustrated with situation. Thank you for the detail of what is going on. It sounds like you feel that you are in the middle of a situation where there is no right way to handle it. I think the main question you need to ask yourself is how do you think you would handle letting your daughter going to live with your family and her mother? Not only that, but also how do you think your daughter would handle being away from you? I know you said that she is unhappy where she is at right now, but it is also a different thing for her to be away from you. Have you tried talking with your girlfriend about how the differences in how she treats the children is affecting your daughter and you, which ultimately affect your relationship together? Do you think setting some boundaries for you, the relationship, your daughter would be helpful?