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I was emotionally drained today because of what happened this…

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Answer 1

Answered in 56 minutes by:

6/14/2015

Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW replied 7 years ago

TherapistJen, LCSW

Category: Parenting

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Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker

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Hi and welcome. I'm a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 20+ years experience working with individuals and families.

Well, it started great and you took my suggestion to ignore the tantrum, but you didn't ignore it fully...you asked him when he paused if he was ok. That was not necessary. You will know when he is calm and I think you are expecting a lot more than this 3 year old can give. A time out was not warranted at all. He is 3...they don't call it the whiny 3's for no reason. i would have stopped reading the book, remained calm and when you saw him become calm, I would have tarted reading again. To pull the book from him and his time with you, caused him to scream more and then when you asked him if he was calm, it was certain he would scream. The time out was too much. You keep worrying about this authority but parenting is not about him following you out of fear or because of your authority. Even if he was whiny during the book...you could simply have asked him would you like Daddy to continue and when he said yes, you could have continued. Thee power struggles will not serve either of you and I beg that you remember he is 3. Ignore a tantrum means don't go back to the tantrum to start it all again and asking him if he is okay will just start it all again. When he was calm he would have come back to the book and then you begin again without proving or asking that he now calm.

Breathe but you need to go easier on him and you.

Answer 2

Parenting Counselor: TherapistJen, LCSW replied 7 years ago

We don't know what your son may be feeling and all children behave in ways to please their parents...that is normal. Given that we always want to make sure we are measure din our responses and frustrations. Time outs may have worked, but we also don't want to use time outs in the wrong ways. Being whiny while having a book read to him and then having a tantrum because of that, in my view does not warrant a time out, but rather just sitting quietly as he calms down which you have said in the past he can do. All of his behaviors are part of what 3 year olds do and we as the adults always need to make sure we are less reactive to things that are part of the development process.
Throwing a toy at another child's head on purpose for example could warrant a 2-3 minute time out, but being whiny and crying around a book does not and it could confuse him and he may not have an understanding as to why the time out. Is it because I am crying? Is it because I am whiny? These are natural ways for a 3 year old to express and we want him to know that his expression is accepted and he won't be punished for them.

I hope you looked into the book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, because I think it will really help you in these moments when you are feeling unsure as most parents do from time to time.

I was emotionally drained today because of what happened this…

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