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Dr. Z
Dr. Z, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 10643
Experience:  I have a doctoral degree in psychology and have a history of providing couple's and family therapy.
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My daughter is 11 years old and is Adhd. As she was growing

Customer Question

My daughter is 11 years old and is Adhd. As she was growing up her father was not there. Only saw her the day after she was born, a week when she was 9 months old. Then has not heard from him till she was 8 years old. We have joint custody but he has only visitations. So we agreed upon the summers for him to visit. After the first year going with her father who lives in another state things in her have changed. She started acting out when is got closer for her to visit her father. Than when she would return she would act out more by hurting other children. I had to get her a therapist who didn't really find what was wrong and I had to take her out of daycare for the other children's safety. Her moods change for a few months in between the acting out before and after the visitation. Now she is 11 years old and has for the past 2 years asked not to go to see her father. Upon her asking I have asked why she does not want to go and she tells me its boring and her father does not do much with her. She has mentioned he yells at her for no reason. I still have her go to her fathers but am a little worried now because of a phone call I had with my child while she is down there. She texted me that she misses me and needed to talk with me. I told her to call me so she did the next morning. When speaking to her she told me that her father hit her in her butt a few times. I asked her why she said she didn't know because she had not questioned him about it because he scared her. I asked if he hurt her and se said no just scared her with it. So I asked to speak to him and he said it was a joke. I told him not to do that because she is very developed for her age and she is learning that no man/women/child/etc... should touch her inappropriately. He seemed furious that I was talking to him about it but as her mother that has been in her life since day one I am concerned for her safety. I don't know what to do and I don't want to but her at risk of anything. What should I do. Please help.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Z replied 2 years ago.
*This website DOES NOT constitute treatment and only provides information and advice. For treatment (therapy and/or medications) you must go to a licensed professional in your area. Please note that anything said here is not private or confidential, as this is a public forum.
Hello, I am so sorry that your daughter is going through this right now with her father, I can understand why you are worried and why you want to put your daughter's well being first. I think your daughter did the right thing by calling you as she was upset and uncomfortable in the home and you talking to the father was a good idea as well. I realize that the father is upset that your daughter did not talk to him about this and went to you, but I highly doubt he will retaliate knowing that you can call your daughter any time and she can call you anytime as well. Try to keep in touch with your daughter on a daily basis and keep comforting her and letting her know that is she is not comfortable than she can come back home at anytime.
If your daughter truly does not want to see her father and there is some verbal and physical abuse, than you should consider contacting a family law attorney and discussing your options. Usually at the age of 11 your daughter is going to have a lot of say of where she wants to stay as a primary residence and where/how she wants to visit the other parent, so it is possible that she may have an option of not wanting to visit her father.
I hope this answers your questions and gives you some guidance on this issue. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns as I am happy to assist and support you regarding this issue.
*If you are satisfied with my answer, I would appreciate it if you can provide me with a positive rating so that I can receive credit for helping you today. Thank you