Hello! My son, Ranger is 21 months old. For the past 2

Question

Hello! My son, Ranger is 21 months old. For the past 2 months or so, he wakes up
every night somewhere between 1-5am screaming bloody murder. It goes from
silent, sound sleep to intense, fearful screaming and I leap out of bed heart
racing. Unfortunately his bedroom is downstairs so it takes me a bit to get down
there, and he is shaking, with abundant tears and indescribably upset. He is a
very happy and calm kid during the day. Has never had tantrums, never a
screaming episode like the above described, and has never had any screen time
until 18 months, and even then very limited and only the educational shows meant
for his age. I am a stay at home mom who has spent much time working with him on
respectful parenting. I explain everything we do, tell him before I do anything
to him (i.e: change diapers, wipe nose) and we have always had a wonderful
communication between us. He speaks very well, has a large vocabulary and can
express his feelings about everything - except during the middle of the night
when this screaming occurs! I've asked what is happening and he is just silent.
Luckily I can get him to go back to his crib within 10-20 minutes by just
holding him, calming him down and rocking him in the chair for a bit. But, of
course my heart is leaping out of my chest from the MOMMY screams and it takes
me hours sometimes to fall back asleep. Regardless of my sleepless nights, I
feel terrible for him that this is occurring. Is it nightmares? I can't imagine
why he would have them. We have a very loving household and my husband and I
have never raised our voices in front of him. He has a stuffed Mouse that I have
tried to get him to "attach to" and have told him that Mouse has all my love,
and is always with him throughout the night, and Mommy will always be there.
But, I would love some opinions on this matter, and ways to end it for both of
our sakes! :) I appreciate your help in advance. Kim

Rafael-E-Therapist · Accepted Answer

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you.
(Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Customer:

Great, thanks for your help!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this distressful situation

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about your son, describe his behavior when you
find him screaming this much?

Customer:

absolutey! Sorry for delay- he just woke up

Customer:

I'll get him playing with something and describe more

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Is he fully awake, tells you about what happened, describe what he saw, felt,
heard or anything like that? Then once the night of sleep is over, does he
remember what hapenned?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No problem

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take your time, I will be here

Customer:

okay! I'm back. thanks for your patience.

Customer:

he doesn't say anything. I've asked him what is wrong, if something hurts, or
scared him, and he doesn't reply.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Good! You're welcome

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then please tell me more about it

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Is he fully awake, tells you about what happened, describe what he saw, felt,
heard or anything like that? Then once the night of sleep is over, does he
remember what happened?

Customer:

at 21 months, he speaks but mostly just 1 word or 2 at a time. So, it's hard for
him to describe anything in words, but he communicates really well by saying
"yes or no" if I ask him questions, but he doesn't really say anything when I
ask in the middle of the night. It's sort of like he's out of it a bit, or
tired, but also seems terrified until I pick him up.

Customer:

I just asked him now if he remembered screaming last night, and he said "yes"
but then I asked what was wrong, and he said "elbow". hummmmm :) I don't think
it's his elbow.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does he appear confused or not fully aware then when you find him screaming this
way?

Customer:

Yes, I would say that he seems not fully aware.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You said that he has not problems getting back to sleep once t comfort him,
right?

Customer:

Exactly- he will go back to his crib (I was worried that it would be difficult
to get him back in there) but he's not afraid of anything in his crib. And,
usually when he does wake up from nap, or in the morning, he rolls around for a
minute and I hear him, and then he will yell out "mommy" for me to get him, but
never screaming or crying.

Customer:

After comforting, he is calm and goes back to sleep

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see. There are two common phenomena children this young could experience. One
is known as night terrors and the other, just like we all have, are about
nightmares.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Then of these two I think what he has been experiencing is night terrors

Customer:

okay, interesting. Can you tell me more about these terrors? Is there any way to
help him, or alleviate them from happening?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This experience will not harm your child at all

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You have been doing the best any parent should do in your shoes.

Customer:

Can I please why you think they are not nightmares?

Customer:

And then also, what are these terrors and why is he having them?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

This is not related to any form of abuse, neglect or trauma. You were very clear
describing the excellent parenting, affection and caring you provide to your
child, then there is no reason for you to be afraid about it.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Nightmares would lead him to be aware of what happened, the content of the
experience, had some memories form them and have a tough time getting back to
sleep...

Customer:

got it, thanks for the explanation for the differences.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

But night terrors could happen as a phase of confusion where the child is no
fully aware, where his mind could be doing gymnastics and getting confused by
the way it works, fantasy, imagination, emotions, physical sensations and
everything else could lead to these experiences, and they are normal.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Keep doing everything exactly the way you have, try to deepen the time and
quality of relaxation and enjoyment before he goes to sleep and feel confident
that your son is not suffering because of this experiences. Children could
experience them for several months, and as long as they get the caring and
support you have been offering, they would be fine, and these episodes would go
away by themselves.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If ta any time yo notice his mood, behavior, capacity for coping, sharing and
enjoying with you or other during waking time affected by these episodes, then
you could worry about it and look for a child psychotherapist, otherwise it is
absolutely normal and you are handling it very well.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

Okay. Thank you so much for the details. It has been scary for me, and it's nice
to know they can be normal and not caused by anything specific. My husband has
wanted to me to make him "cry it out" because he was feeling that I was
perpetuating the wakeful nights, but there was no way I would do this with the
type of screaming…. would you agree that I should always go to my son
immediately and comfort him, and hopefully with time these terrors will
disappear on their own? Hopefully soon if it's already been a few months? :)

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions and to follow
up, since I am here willing to support you as possible. Thank you for your
trust. Take gentle care and consistent action and remember to rate session.

Customer:

Yes, that all makes sense. He is happy and a joy during all waking hours, so I
will trust that he's not being affected by these. Thank you!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Yes, I do agree with you, there is nothing wrong but it is necessary for you to
support him that way.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You are not spoiling him nor creating a bad habit, but comforting him and
allowing him to process the experience and get back to sleep, and he's been
doing it just fine. Please work on you feeling more relaxed, this is important,
and would help him too.

Customer:

Great. thank you so very much for the excellent help- I will rate you as so.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. I can tell you this experience and nightmares at these age,
could be really sad, worrying and frustrating for parents, I know that form
experience, but they would go away if you continue supporting him the way you
do, with love and wisdom.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're welcome. Take gentle care and good night.

Hello! My son, Ranger is 21 months old. For the past 2

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