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my granddaughter aged 5 years has suddenly started to ignore

me did not want to...
my granddaughter aged 5 years has suddenly started to ignore me did not want to speak to me on the telephone. and when we meet I can't understand as we have been very close. Did her mum say something to her or has she a problem?
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Answered in 5 minutes by:
10/22/2013
RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I am very sorry to know about this sad and frustrating situation.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me how has been your relationship before, and if this is the first time she presents this type of behavior towards you or towards any other family member?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

If she has been developing and growing like a normal child for these first 5 years of life and suddenly started presenting this behavior apparently out of nothing, the most plausible reason would be that something you ignore happened leading her to change her attitude this much, and if your bonding and communication was just fine before this incident, there must a concrete problem that has caused or triggered this sudden and radical change.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Could you please tell me more about it for me to better understand your experience?

Customer:

I can only tell you we had a wonderful time together whenever we met she always loved me so much They live in the city and I only see them one every few months

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, this is very sad and frustrating, concerning for sure, since something must have happened once no child suddenly changes her behavior this dramatically without having a good reason, specially towards a grandmother. What do her parents say about it?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

When you met her how was her behavior? You said she ignored you, how did you react, what did other people around her did when they witnessed these behaviors?

Customer:

Her. Dad said she must be shy when she see's you in other company but Nun can't see whats happening What do I do just go along as usual or stay away.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I would never suspect of a child in a scenario like this, since they are literally shaped from their personality to their beliefs, feelings and behaviors but those around them, specially parents and caretakers who have an authority role in their lives and share with them daily.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very concerning since her parents should know what happened here and show concern about these behaviors, but it seems they are not that worried about this serious change in her behaviors towards you. I do not suggest you to stay away nor to push her, both would be unhealthy approaches. I think this child is being negatively influenced or manipulated and you should not play a role that could fuel or reinforce such distorted beliefs, fears or feelings.

Customer:

Do you think she has a personality disorder The parents do not seem to believe in disapline Do you think I should just ignore the whole thing I am just a bit worried as bi polar runs in both families

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

No, I do not think she has bipolar nor any other serious mental health disorder, since based on your story, there is nothing pointing at that at all, but it seems that there are family issues leading to this behavior. It is both parents' responsibility to take good care of every child, and when you say that they "do not believe in discipline", that is a serious issue for sure! I would say that this child is suffering from lack of healthy parenting and support since as you said, her parents do not provide real discipline, what uses to happen with lack of healthy affection and parenting. Then I would say it could be more a behavioral problem consequence of a problem related to her parents, otherwise this child would not be suddenly presenting this dramatic change.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Do her parents present any serious mental health disorder, have serious personal or marital issues?

Customer:

Do you think I have a role to play in all of this do I step back or just persavere and hope she will aknowledge me again could it be Mum is jealous I hope she has not told Grace to ignore me

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Now that you said bipolar disorder runs in both families, mi fear about family issues leading to this behaviors appears to make sense, not because of think she is presenting symptoms of bipolar, since there is nothing in your story showing that, but because of potential parental problems causing this serious behavioral change.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

My first suspicion here would be that she is being affected or manipulated by somebody close to her, otherwise it would not make any sense this dramatic change in her towards you. I do not suggest you to ignore her nor to push her, but to take initiatives to promote your closeness, intimacy, communication and healthy sharing.

Customer:

I think what you said makes sense as mum and dad seem to be having problems themselves could that be rubbing off on her she worries about her mum all the time.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Have you seen past situations where her mother has been jealous or presented any other unhealthy behavior-feeling towards you or her child?

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Absolutely!

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children totally depend on their parents, not only physically but mentally and emotionally.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Thus any marital problem would impact on children, and if parents have personal and - or marital issues, most times they would lead to parenting problems too, and children would be the helpless victims.

Customer:

No i haven't noticed any jealousy from her mum but i know grace makes a fuss of me when her other gran is around and i try to tell her we are all impotant in her life her other gran is her mother's mum

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Please be gentle, patient, understanding, affectionate and supportive towards your granddaughter, she needs positive and healthy modeling, sharing and support. Do not take as something personal her behavior, I believe she is reacting because of the impact her parents are having on her mood and behavior.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

I see, then I believe it could be in fact related to a parenting problem and the impact their marital issues are having on her.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

It is very concerning that her parents have not taken any assertive actions about this problem, what leads e to suspect of their lack of assertiveness, good parenting and how their personal and marital issues could be behind this child's change.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Children cannot develop nor grow healthy and happy without healthy discipline and affection. If parents fail in any of them not only through their words and education provided but by their actions, sharing, modeling and more, children would suffer ad would develop personality and other mental health disorders.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Does it make sense?

Customer:

yes i am very grateful to hear your words i suspected it comes from her mood not good to do this to children as they need all the love inthis world they can get maybe i am a threat to her parents but i don't interfere in thier lives or maybe they need to grow up and see what is happening at least i know it's not my fault and i agree with your words and that's what i am going to do keep on loving her and sending her a letter and some treats thank you for taking on my problem edith

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

You're very welcome. Thank you for being this open here and for your trust. This is a very sad and frustrating situation but you can only focus on what depends on you, thus continue to play a gentle, caring, healthy and positive role in her life as much as possible, everything else depends on her parents.

Rafael M.T.Therapist :

Take gentle care and please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions, since I am here willing to support you. Thank you.

RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
Verified
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RealSupport
RealSupport
RealSupport, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,191
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Experience: MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach

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