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My 10 year old son turned in a letter at school he said another

child wrote. The letter...
My 10 year old son turned in a letter at school he said another child wrote. The letter was threatening to kill my son with other horrible things. The boy was suspended from school today even though he denied writing the letter... I received a copy today after comparing handwriting from the letter to that of my sons... I felt there were a lot of similarities.. I told my son that the boy denied writing the letter and because of the serious nature of the letter that the police would bee involved.. I told him that the police would find a match and find the person who wrote the letter.. I also mentioned to my son that his handwriting was similar to the note... He said mom I didn't write that letter.. And insisted it was the other boy.. Five hours later.. The truth comes out.. My son wrote the letter . He said it was because the kid is mean to him? In the five hours before the confession you should know that I did not pressure my son.. I struggled with myself.. Looked and relooked at handwriting samples without my son knowing. Went through feeling like a bad mom thinking I should be protecting him not doubting him.. Worrying about the other boy and how awful this must be for him and his parents... And in the end it was my so. Who wrote the letter.. Please help what do I do now.. I know I will go to the school.. My son owes a lot of apologies.. And may be suspended I am desperate to know how best to handle this situation in the best possible way.. My son needs to learn from this ...
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10/9/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear parent,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help with this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I know that you are feeling very distraught and perhaps guilty that you had failed in some way..

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your son mishandled a situation in which he was being bullied and he will probably be punished beyond the limits of his mistake.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He wanted to neutralize and get back at the bully and fortunately choose a non-violent method of doing so.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The other boy may have been particularly mean to him which incited him more, or your son may have just played a mean prank back, if the other boy was indeed harassing him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He made a terrible error of judgment, but at his age may not have been able to think through the consequences of his action.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see that you are typing and I shall wait.

Customer: I don't know.. Truthfully I am confused.. After my son confessed . And said the other boy was mean to him I didn't ask for a lot of details about what the boy specifically did to make my son feel he should do something like that...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Have you told the other boy's parent yet or any authorities?

Customer: I really didn't think my son was going to confess.. I told him I needed the truth now if something he said wasn't right and that I wouldn't yell .. I would walk away and think about ewhat to do ... So once he told me I didn't ask many questions
Customer: no I have not told anyone yet.. The police were not involved I said that to see if I would get a different reply.. I need to go to the school first thing in the morning
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can still remain calm and continue to love him, but you need to get to the bottom of this.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The other child may be suffering at home for this and I believe that you need to call his family and apologize and get him off the hook.

Customer: I don't have their name or number .. Should I try to contact the principal at home it's 9:15pm now?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

It is late but this is urgent as it may be saving the boy's hide.

Customer: Okay will u stay on the line here
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sorry computer glitch.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes I will stay on.

Customer: I still trying please stay I would like more help
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am happy to help you.

Customer: Had to leave a message for the principal... That was good advice wish I would have done that an hour and half ago
Customer: Any other tips for me... What to say to my son in the morning... Do I need to consider anything else?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Be stern with your son but not angry. Explain to him that if he is being bullied that he needs to talk to you about it or needs to confront the bully.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He needs to have privileges taken away

Customer: I wonder is he being bullied..?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He needs to write a letter of apology to the boys parents.

Customer: What about going apologies from son to the school to the boy what consequences do I implement at home?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes, that was my next suggestio.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

suggestion.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If your son seems to be in denial about the seriousness of what he did then perhaps he needs to speak to a counselor to find out if he has any unresolved issues that may emerge again.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This may just have been an error of judgment by a young boy who responded incorrectly to possible harassment or bullying.

Customer: The principal is the on line
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

OK

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This was a very inappropriate response to possible harassment showing immaturity, bad judgment but no violence.

Customer: She is asking me if I believe my son did write the letter and is not feeling bad for the other boy
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What is the truth? Tell me first.

Customer: i believe my son wrote it..
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The question was "did your son have remorse".

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You should tell her yes, very much so, and then make sure that he does. You will have to see to it.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If you tell her no, there may be very serious consequences beyond what he deserves.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

And if he doesn't then he will need counselling for sure.

Customer: he seemed sad,... But he seemed to feel justified because the kid was mean and he said that the boy had threatened to kill him but said it not in writing?
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

So he was perhaps trying to frame the boy for what the boy actually did.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If this is true then your son thought he was protecting himself and acted because he was scared.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

BotXXXXX XXXXXne is: the truth is not yet known and it must come out, perhaps with you and a counselor or the school principle and guidance counsellor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Decisions cannot be made until the truth i known.

Customer: Okay. What do I say to my son...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell him that you want him to tell you the whole truth with no lies, and that you will take notes an he will sign it as a confession to you, and that eery word must be true with no omissions or lies.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Tell him it will go much better if it is true.

Customer: Good ...
Customer: i have an meeting set up for 8am with the principal
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

That is good. He must be truthful and he MUST show remorse.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will all get past this.

Customer: anything else? You are really helpful.. I must be a pain for you
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Good kids make errors of judgment.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

If I have helped, then you are a blessing to me.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep your family in my prayers.

Customer: Thank you for talking me through this... I hope a lot of parents use this service.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are most welcome

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Things will be fine and you will settle down.

Customer: I feel ready for the next steps now..
Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

:)

Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

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