Parenting

Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Parenting
This answer was rated:

My ex husband wants to change our parenting time with our five

year old to 7 days...
My ex husband wants to change our parenting time with our five year old to 7 days on and 7 days off. I strongly disagree and have to go to mediation next week. How can I make them see that, that will not be the best thing for my son?
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
10/2/2013
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that I can help.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand why a schedule such as this may not be in a child's best interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In your particular case, what are your chief concerns?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You seem to have gone offline.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see you are back. While I am typing let me urge you to get the following book that has been around for a long time but is always updated. This you can have in minutes from now as an Kindle (eBook) book.

Customer:

I appriciate your feedback , what is my next step? I feel that my son is too young and not ready for a step like this. I havent been away from him for longer then a couple days since he was born!

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :



This book will give you the best suggestions and ammunition/professional authoritative guidance that will help you and your attorney, and may even convince your husband that this would be a bad and selfish arrangement.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I agree with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You do not have a lot of time, but you could delay the hearing.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I recommending that you find a child psychologist who professionally and regularly works in the legal system to back you up in court as an expert witness. This usually is a very effective method.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You could try to come up with a more reasonable schedule that your husband will agree to.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may be doing this to gain leverage on any settlement (alimony, etc) that he made with you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

There are actually computer programs that are used to manage scheduling for visitation and custody and they may be helpful and save legal fees in the long run.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The software I had in mind is:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Custody X Change:

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

http://www.custodyxchange.com/custody/child-custody-schedule.php

Customer:

Ex husband. I will look into that book, but I have to go to mediation for the second time in a couple of days.. first was because he wanted to modify child support and won eventhough he owed back support. Just want the mediator to see that he needs to b with his mom

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :


It is best to win on the first round but what is even better is to convince him to change his demands.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sorry. Ex husband.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He may also be facing jail time for contempt of court (failure to pay). He may think that he will get his child support payments reduced.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

He doesn't seem to be in a position of strength, and he is foolish to try to use your son as a pawn.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

or daughter. You did not say.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Yes you did. Sorry. Your son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that getting a psychologist as an expert witness would be your strongest point.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Let him know that you will resist his attempts because you think it is not in your son's best interest.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

When he sees how deadly serious you are he may back down.

Customer:

I wont be going to court right away, first is mediation, the resolalution hearing. So I dont want to agree to what he wants in mediation.. rather it go to court.. except for the money ofcourse. Ive already told him I dont agree and he seems to think he will win.. just want whats best for my son! Since I cant bring anyone with me to mediation what do u think I should do?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You can't even bring your attorney?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Don't agree with anything then and let it go to court..

Customer:

Not to mediation! No attorney. ?

Customer:

Mine resigned

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get that book right away and learn all you can.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Get a new attorney. That is reason enough to delay hearings or maybe even mediation until you can get new counsel.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Your ex-husband is probably bluffing. He doesn't know and the courts will be likely to favor you.

Customer:

I hope so.. but like I said the last mediation I went to he was able to lower his child support even though he owed back! They only deal with one thing at a time

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Go to see a psychologist right away and talk to her about separation anxiety. This is a topic you can bring up.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You need to keep a list of all expenses, need to hammer on the fact that he still owes you money and because he is irresponsible is not trustworthy to maintain your son.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do both of you work?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Do you both have good child-care arranagements?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

arrangements

Customer:

Yes! He is remarried and lives with all his in laws, so thinks they can watch him all the time. I live with boyfriend and son most of the time except when he has him 2 days a week and every other sunday overnight. My son just started kinder and between my boyfriend and I will have all nights off during the week, I changed my schedule when he started school

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Will the move interfere with his kindergarten?

Customer:

No dont think so. But still not ok with it

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that ! ! !

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I urge you to download that Custody Agreement book right away and learn all that you can.

Customer:

Ok so botXXXXX XXXXXne??? Taken to much of your time. I will get that book

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am happy to help you. This is very critically important for you.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

In any case you will work something out and you will all learn to live with it and your son with thrive.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I am so sorry that you have had to endure this, but all will be well in the end.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I shall keep all of you in my prayers.

Customer:

Thank u

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You are so very welcome.

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 4 years ago

So Elliot with your experence in psychology you feel that at 5 years old child is not ready for a schedule such as this one? Without attorneys I should be able to convince the mediator of this, by discussing his age and the fact that I havent ever really been away from him for very long other then when he was on vacation with his dad! Other then age and that im his mom, any other points I should bring up?


 

Dear XXXXX,

How does your son react to being separated from you? This is a question you may be asked. If he is not upset by it, then you will have less of an argument.

Every child is different and some are more adaptable than others. No therapist can tell how he will fare unless the child is assessed.

If he has anxiety about being away from you OR of being with his father or father's family, then you should bring up thiese points

So much depends on the judge as well.

Dress respectfully, be as confident as possiblem, and list every reason that you personally can attest to so that you can easily testify about them in court.

The most influential argument would be that your child sufferes separation anxiety, but you may ultimately have to back that up. Once again, if depends on the judge and the lawyers involved.

See this article:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/502102-separation-anxiety-in-a-5-year-old-child/

I wish you success.


Warm regards,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Verified
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7,664
7,664 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

93 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

77 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
My husband and I have been looking for a home for 7 years
My husband and I have been looking for a home for 7 years and due to several of my restrictions and safety concerns have not been able to find one until now. My 8 year old daughter is on board and wou… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has
Dear Sir/Madam, I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has been away from me for about 2 years, and finally now I am seeing her every weekend. She has always been a girl who loved pink… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
What is my best defense against a group of people that are
what is my best defense against a group of people that are contributing to the delinquency of a minor?… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
My 2 yrs old just started climbing out her bed 3 nights ago.
Hi, My 2 yrs old just started climbing out her bed 3 nights ago. We switched her bed to toddler bed last night with side railing but then she refused to sleep in it. We had to put back her crib side b… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My 8 years old daughters complains about everyrhing.
My 8 years old daughters complains about everyrhing. Sometimes when she tells me that she is feeling sick I don´t believe her because I don´t think it´s true. Latetly she has complain about pain in he… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
How can a 23 year old female work through / get over built
How can a 23 year old female work through / get over built up anger / resentment / feelings of loss over having grown up in a divorced home with need for both parents, not just one? This high-function… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
My daughter is 14 years old, my husband and I are very
My daughter is 14 years old, my husband and I are very protective, she feels we do not trust her, which is not the case, but we just don't trust the boys out there. We live in a good neighborhood, whi… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I'm having problems w my 19yo stepson, he doesnt respect me.
I'm having problems w my 19yo stepson, he doesnt respect me. He's been living wiih us frm the age of 8yo. anything I say bothers him he is lazy, doesnt do anything in the hse just free loader, no coll… read more
Marie
Marie
506 satisfied customers
I am driving myself bonkers! My daughter 15 1/2 only child.
Hi ! I am driving myself bonkers! My daughter 15 1/2 only child. I am so terrified when shes not with me or in her room safe and sound! When she leaves for school, i pray for her safe trip, good day, … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I am having major problems with my 15 year old daughter. how
Hi, I am having major problems with my 15 year old daughter. how do you help. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My daughter is 5 years old and doesn't finish her school
My daughter is 5 years old and doesn't finish her school work from talking so much. She is spoiled, and doesn't listen to anybody anymore. How do we get her to listen to authority without spanking her… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
My 9 year old son has these episodes where he crys loudly
My 9 year old son has these episodes where he crys loudly over small things like taking a shower. He's great at school and in sports but just has a bad attitude at home when he's asked to do something… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
54 satisfied customers
What should i do with an incorrigible teen? He dislikes mom,
what should i do with an incorrigible teen? He dislikes mom, won't go along with the rules, keeps running away using interesting methods of escape, wants his own job and apartment, thinks he's grown u… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken
Second opinion] This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken record asking this and that about what to do about my and our kids situation.To summarize, my spouse and I had an argument whil… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
54 satisfied customers
My seven-year-old son has dyslexia and he is in second
My seven-year-old son has dyslexia and he is in second grade. He is reading but he reads slow. We are seeing great progress. He also has a tutor helping him that specializes in this disorder.With this… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken record asking this and that about what to do about my and our kids' situation.To summarize, my spouse and I had an argument while drinking, and… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
We have a boy who is turning 3 and he refuses to use the
Hello. We have a boy who is turning 3 and he refuses to use the potty to poop. He has no problem making pee. He is a very bright and self confident kid, who loves chocolate, and not even the big choco… read more
Dr SS
Dr SS
Doctoral Degree
12,327 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x