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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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My son is 4 1/2. He has been going to a new daycare now for

Customer Question

My son is 4 1/2. He has been going to a new daycare now for 3 months. He has in the last month started hitting spitting and being defiant. He is not like this at home ever. I have only been told of three separate issues of this behavior. This last Thursday n Friday I got called from work to pick him up f.or spitting n hitting and because he didn't want to come inside. So they terminated him from daycare. I talked to his pediatrician and he will be talking to a therapist. But shouldnt the daycare have incident reports and especially for terminating him without any paperwork?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 3 years ago.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Dear friend,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe I can help you with this situation.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I understand that you must be quite distraught with the manner in which this was handled by the daycare center.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

His behavior, which is not apparent at home, may be in reaction to a fear of bullying or mistreatment by other children and the inattentiveness of those supervising to handle the situation properly.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

You will probably never know, for they certainly will not admit any responsibility, and are probably not subject to giving you any written document if not required by law.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Since this is a private institution and there was no injury involved, they can just terminate him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

The most basic step that you can take is to talk to him directly and ask him why he was so upset. He should not be blamed or punished in any manner, and I am certain that you have only been supportive of him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

This may not require therapy, and your son may not want to talk to a stranger.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Sometimes therapists can over-react and diagnose a child with behavior problems when the child is only reacting to a hostile environment.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Talk to your son very gently about this and see if there is a problem before you put him through too much stress of seeing another stranger.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I see you have entered the chat and look forward to getting some more input from you.

Customer :

He claims he doesnt know and doesnt remember. i believe alot has to do with him having transitional issues i wasnt aware of. but now i have to find a new daycare for him and his brother. i feel itll make the situation worse.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What will make the situation worse, the new daycare center?

Customer :

this was a licenced accredited daycare center as well

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What do you mean transitional issues? Do you mean separation anxiety? He was there for awhile before this happened.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Having a license or accreditation doesn't guarantee quality service or caring workers. One bad apple can also spoil the barrel.

Customer :

hes been there e3 months. he hits and spits and throws tantrums when its time to come inside or start another activity. but at home ive always warned him 10 minutes till dinner or one more caryoon then after its bedtime and ive never had a problem with him

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Perhaps he was in a center in which they did not have enough structure and discipline.

Customer :

now i have to scramble to find a new daycare and i think that will make him worse

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I think that you should take him to that therapist that your pediatrician has recommended. A one on one assessment would help in this case.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

A good child therapist will not frighten him.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I believe that with gentle guidance, he will be fine and be able to adjust to another daycare center.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

What are your thoughts?

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Here is one of the most helpful books ever written and may help you a great deal.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

I wish you great success and shall keep you in my prayers.

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC :

Elliott, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC