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Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2189
Experience:  and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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I am having trouble refereeing when all the grand kids get

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I am having trouble refereeing when all the grand kids get together at grandpas house. I am not sure what to do when the kids are arguing about toys, who got the chair or toy first. In have one grand daughter who I want to stand up for when she is right. She's the youngest. I sometimes don't know to react when they're disagreement's between my grand daughter and my sister's grand kids. I think her grand kids gang up on my only grand daughter. Is there some basic rule first to have something or sit somewhere. Please some advice please
Hello and thank you for consulting JA,
This is a rough position and you are probably right to protect the youngest. But...
regarding the issues of sitting somewhere....such as, who gets the front seat in the car or who gets to sit in the comfortable chair....set up a rotating schedule (and be sure to keep track of whose is next). The next time they are in the car together grandchild 1 gets front seat...the next time it is grandchild 2 turn and so forth.

When is comes to toys, you can set a rule that any arguing over a toy will result in the toy being taken away from everyone. Then, help the children problem solve without arguing. Perhaps create a schedule for the desired toy as well or help them negotiate and cooperate with each other.

For instance, "Okay everybody no arguing or the toy will be put away until next time. So how can you decide who gets the toy first without arguing....any ideas? No? Okay how about we draw straws and the short straw wins. In the future, we can set up a schedule for the favorite toys." This teaches conflict resolution which is something which is taught at school. Often times when two children are in conflict, the teacher will hold a mediation session. Ask your grandchildren if they do this at their school and how it works. Ask them if they would like to do this at your house when there is an argument.

I hope that these ideas are helpful.
Warm regards
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