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Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.
I think a family talk about this is the way to go....
sitting down with both of them and letting them know that you made a decision which you believe was not a great one.
you love them both and their relationship but that the sleepovers should not be a part of things right now.
what do his parents feel about it?
Ok. but how about if she wants to move out?
do you think that is a possibility?
has she indicated that?
Well, she told me that he is her life and they are one. In additon, she also metioned, that she does not care about money nor her car.
ok, well she may feel that until she really has to live in that way.
I would sit with them and be open with them that you want her to remain in your home but with some better boundaries around this issue
She is 17 and still needs to abide by what you say
once she is 18 then she can make those decisions and have to live by them.
I would enlist his parents as well in this.
Where do they stand on this issue?
He is from a lower class family and we are not. My husband is a doctor and we are well off. Do you think, I should take my chances and tell them to do what ever they whsh? or should I let her know, she is under age?
I would absolutely remind her that she is under age and while you support this relationship you do not support her moving out or him sleeping over each night.
If she still leaves she will see this hard road rather quickly
I would sit with both of them and with your husband and have an open and honest discussion about their relationship and what your rules are around this.
His parents, probably think as I do. I will sit with them tonight and speak to both of them.
As hard as it would be, if it were me, and she still decided to go, I would let her live the hard life for a while until she realizes that is not what she truly wants.
Excellent. The more you have on board and are on the same page the less alone you will feel and you can all make decisions together.
You sound like a loving mom and let that come across as well
The other thing is that he has no money and my dughter is always asking me for money to pay for food, movies etc. SHould I stop?
The good news is you love the boyfriend....that could make it a lot worse if he wasnt a good guy
He just got a part time job at CVS
The more you give the money the more you enable.
She needs a job so she can have some spending money
He is poor but, great guy!! does'nt drink, no drugs and only like to party once in a while. We love that
Ok, that's so much for your time.
yes he sounds lovely and that is why I think he just might get it if you talk to him and ask him how he would feel if he had a daughter...he just might be able to see it from your point of view.
my pleasure....come back to me anytime.
please take a moment to offer a rating of my support for you