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empathy-reborn, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 11
Experience:  L3 in CCLD. Acted as a SENCo. Voluntary Exp with Young People of all ages
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My 12 year old daughter is getting ready to start a new school

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My 12 year old daughter is getting ready to start a new school this year. She has always gone to private Christian schools, and this is the third one. The first one, when she was k-middle of third grade. She had gotten hit or slapped by a few different children a few times that by the time Christmas break she begged to not go back. We then went to another Christian school until this last year. She finished 5th grade, but had a lot of problems with one of the girls (4 girls total in class) so much that all of the kids in her class said they didn't like my daughter anymore and all sided with the other girl. She was very upset and said that none of the kids ever like her, and they didn't like her at the original school either. And she doesn't know why. Well, just so happens we are moving to another state and she will be going to a new school. She is very excited and really looking forward to it. I just don't want her to have any problems like she has experienced in the past. I know when I try to give her advice she thinks you know....I'm her mother...what do I know???!!???

Greetings, That your daughter is starting a new school gives her and you a fresh start on the problem; but, I think something is going on socially that you are unaware of and your daughter may not understand since she has had social problems with her peers in the past. Before she starts school, have a chat with her teacher(s) that there has been some issues in the past and that you would like to be informed as soon as possible if they notice any problems and most importantly, what those problems are. The problem still needs to be diagnosed; you do not know what is going on. Let your daughter know that you have an honest communication going with her teachers. She may not like that, but you are her mother and the adult and are working with the other important adults in her life to make sure she grows up healthy and well physically, mentally, intellectually, emotionally and socially. So, this is the starting point. I am almost certain that things will develop. Also, remember she is starting a new phase of adolescence and she will have her emotional ups and downs. Have frank and sincere talks with her on a regular basis. Keep me posted and I will help you along if anything emerges. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX


I agree with Dr. Tom, if you form strong communications with teachers, make the school aware of previous schools and ask them to monitor it and request it. As your paying private fees, you the right to request this in writing.

Yours sincerely,

Tom Constable.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank You,


I appreciate your answer. I will consider it for sure. I was really hoping to get some advice as to some sort of advice I could give her. Something to help her with her behavior so that there wouldn't be a problem to begin with. You and I both know that once the teacher is involved she will always be known as the kid that the teacher is always telling everyone to be nice to. I don't want her to just let people walk all over her, but I also want her to be able to make friends, without being bossy or unapproachable. Thanks!

By getting teachers involved will not make her known because all students will be treated fairly.

Tom constable.
Customer: replied 4 years ago. you have any advice I can give her directly?

The best advice you can give a child who is being bullied, is reassuring them. Make them aware that they can talk to you about anything and you won't be angry. By reinforcing this maternal link, their confidence will grow. Just reassure her that if she is bullied to tell the teacher and then when she arrives home. She should tell you. This way you can follow it up to make sure the school is taking appropriate action.

Yours truly,

Tom Constable.
empathy-reborn, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 11
Experience: L3 in CCLD. Acted as a SENCo. Voluntary Exp with Young People of all ages
empathy-reborn and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

Another suggestion is to begin building a relationship with her that will take her through her adolescence. That is today, having talks with her about whether she has some insight into why people treat her the way they do. Is she doing anything to instigate treating her badly? Making friends at her age is usually a little tough. But let your daughter know that friends treat each other with respect and respect each other's boundaries. Friends are kind and do not talk about each other behind each other's back. This is a time of her life when she can make friends that last a lifetime ... let her know that. Ask her if she knows how to make friends. Learn a bit more of what she is experiencing and that will help you counsel her properly. I hope this helps you grow in your relationship with your daughter. Best.