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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Psychologist; Parent
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My ex wife and I had a contentious divorce (as most are, Im

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My ex wife and I had a contentious divorce (as most are, I'm sure). We have four children (19, 16, 14,11). I have little to no contact with the two oldest. My 11 and 14 y/o visit 25% of the year. I live in AZ they live in CA. Last year my Ex told me that my oldest smokes marijuana. He heavily influences my 14 y/o.
My 14 y/o has had failing grades the last 2 years. I have implored my Ex to allow me custody of him without going to court. She refuses and says that he will have to learn on his own. Last year he posted a picture of a taco on instagram with a subtitle "#stoned". I told this to my Ex and she said "that's just things kids say".
Yesterday, I found emails on my 14 y/o's phone to his older brother essentially stating that they smoke pot together and they should sell it.
My 14 y/o child is smoking pot and failing school. It's seems like there is nothing I can do. If I tell this to my Ex, she will deny it and fight me tooth and nail in court or otherwise.
My gut tells me I shouldn't say anything and file court papers immediately.
I can't stand by anymore...
How should I approach this?
Hello. You need to collect all of this evidence in print, copies, recordings, etc. whatever it takes. This is your son and if this is a big deal to you then you need to think about the dreaded court route, even though you don't want to do it. Another option, although this idea wouldn't be very popular with your sons or your ex, is thinking about speaking with the local truant officers or any other type of law enforcement in the area who might put a scare into them. SOme parents use this method and some love it or hate the idea. You say you have spoken to the principal of the school as well but did not say if any results were achieved. If the school has a counselor or a premises deputy, that may also be an option to you. I'm not familiar with what specific options might be available in that region of the country.
Personally, I would collect all of the evidence you possibly can and file papers to the court. Counts generally will side with the mothers in cases, which is not fair, so you have to be ready for the fight and bring as much evidence as you can to back you up. I would include phone records to the school documenting your conversations with the principal as well.
You also need to think about the actions you will take if you are successful. Say you get custody and you now have at least 2 children who are used to getting their way and doing and saying whatever they want with limited to no discipline. How are you going to handle the transition? It won't be easy. Make sure you have a well thought out plan, even though things don't always go as you want them to, at least have a general idea how to handle it.
You are doing the right thing by being concerned and taking action for your children's sake and their future. Listen to your gut and fight the fight.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX insight. Your words are very helpful.

No problem, please keep me posted and let me know if I can be of further help. Also, the legal experts on this site are very good if you have specific legal questions to your region, they can answer you.
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