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DrMerc, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 4
Experience:  Doctorate Psychologist, Certified School Psychologist
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My son is 38 years old. He recd a scholarship to college which

Customer Question

My son is 38 years old. He rec'd a scholarship to college which he walked away from to join the Army and jump out of airplanes. He was an excellant child, soldier and is a hardworker. He is an IT Systems Analyst/Director and makes a good living. He has a great work ethic and is always employed. He is a good provider for his kids. He is divorced after a bad and unwanted marriage. His father passed away when he was an infant. I never remarried and it was always just the two of us. He was an amazing young man and lived up to his responsibilities until the past decade. He was a great dad until he started flaking on his dad duties and time with his daughters. His exwife is extremely difficult to deal with and I know that is a huge part oh him not spending more time parenting. He always pays more child support than required. I am a retired police officer and was very responsible, strict, consistent with love and discipline and quite successful. Since he completed his tour of duty in the military he has been dodgeing his responsibilities such as taxes, vehicle registrations, parking tickets, car insurance and the like. He has been noncompliant and seems to think he is exempt from these rules etc. He wasn't overindulged growing up and was definately held accountable for his actions etc. I am very concerned about him and have tried talking to him about these issues. He lies about his situation and gets angry with me when I confront him. He has never moved back home since 18 yoa. We were always very close and he loves and respects me very much. He thanks me often for his perfect childhood - his words not mine. I am worried that he suffers from depression but he refuses to see a Dr. or counselor stating that he is a grown man and will take care of it but he doesn't. I never believed in bailing a child out and didn't until this past 10 years when I have bailed him out of a money problem several times. I wrote him a long letter some time ago pleading with him to get some counseling and turning his life around. He hasn't been happy for a very long time. He didn't take the brutal honesty well and was insulted by my comments. I worry that he is doing drugs and told him that I would pay for his counseling, treatment or rehab and he got very angry stating that he was offended that I thought he needed rehab. He admits smoking pot but denies using other drugs. Unfortunately, I can't believe him due to his previous lies. I love him very much (he is my only child) and want to help. I just can't bare to see him waste another decade of unhappiness. He refuses to seek counseling or to face reality. I am very worried because his teenaged daughter is being negatively affected by his issues. Can you give me some advice? Please! He gets very mad at me when I confront him with his issues or mention drug use. I don't recognize him anymore as he isn't the same person he was most of his life.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  DrMerc replied 4 years ago.

DrMerc :

i am going to keep this short and simple. There are few pains like watching someone you love destroy themselves. I am sorry you are going through this. As you may know you can not change someone that does not want to change. You can however, get support for yourself. You can explore your on therapy, support groups, organizations like ALANON, etc. It is important that you have support in taking care of yourself and from keeping you from destroying your life trying to save your son. I know htat may sound harsh. Sorry. Having said all of that. There are drug treatment programs around the country that will help your son by implemeting and intervention if they beleive it is needed. You can access these pograms several ways.. online, your insurance company, local mental health centers even some medical doctors may have recommendations.

DrMerc :

Hi sorry about the typos. there is a glitch on my end,

DrMerc :

If you would like more information or have questions let me know.

JACUSTOMER-2fzywdzd- : I am very disappointed with your answer
JACUSTOMER-2fzywdzd- : far too simplified
JACUSTOMER-2fzywdzd- : I already knew all that u said