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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1427
Experience:  Psychologist; Parent
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My daughter is seperated. Soon to be divorced from a nice guy

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My daughter is seperated. Soon to be divorced from a nice guy & very good father. They have a 3 year old son. They actually get along very well. They probably should have remained friends instead of getting married.Their son has a Great Life. He goes to school,they take him all kinds of places,He has Very involved Family & Friends. Hes a Very Loved, Happy kid. I take care of him 3 days a week cause my daughter & grandsons dad work fulltime. My daughter is now living with another man who I have yet to meet ( though she says I will meet him very soon) but she has attended some of his family things & just informed me her & my grandson are going to spend a week with him & his family at their summer place. The man she lives with has a 3 year old son too he stays at his dads 2 or 3 days a week. My grandson is moving in there too,but will spend 2 or 3 nights a week at his dads. I am feeling Bad,Jealous cause his parents are happily married, I'm divorced, they have a beautiful home (so does the man my daughter lives with) I have an apartment, They own alot of property & stores. I'm out on disability. My daughter is so Thrilled For her & her son to have all these Great Oppurtunities come into their lives. I am told they are Very Nice, Welcoming somewhat religious people. I know these are Wonderful things for my daughter & Grandson but I feel like my daughter has Stars in her Eyes now & I am on the Very Back Burner of their Lives now.(My daughter & I do have some terrible fights about her constant lies, She also says I assume to much ) I can't keep up with the Joneses. I feel Jealous & Embarrassed. Maybe shes Ashamed of me. I also feel that I'm a babysitter not treated like a Grandmother. My Grandsons Dads Mom sits one day a week. Her & I Are similar. What can I do to stop feeling like my daughter & grandson have moved on with their "NEW" Family that can give them so much not me The BabysitterGrandma? Sometimes I think my daughter wouldn't have much to do with me if I didn't babysit.Thank You.
Hello. You said you both fight so much but did not elaborate on how those conversations go. Based on just the information you have provided, I would try my best to have a decent conversation with her explaining how you feel. If she won't listen to you, I would try writing down your feelings. The botXXXXX XXXXXne is that you cannot stop feeling the way you do unless these things are resolved with her and she is involved in the process. You can't force her to be a certain way or say certain things so you need to decide how you are going to handle your side of the situation, which is really the only part of this that you can control.
I would consider limiting my babysitting offerings until she at least is able to have a reasonable discussion with you about validating your feelings and coming to a conclusion on how both of you can resolve the conflict. I know as a grandma, that is a difficult thing to do because of course you want to be available for your grand kids, but if you feel so strongly about being left out, you need to look at all of your options, what means the most to you and how to get your daughter to understand your side of it, whether she agrees or doesn't.
You need to ask her to help you instead of blaming her for how you feel. Tell her that you need for her to help you feel more like you are part of the family. Consider your options as far as what you can control and what you can't. You can't do all of it, she is going to have to be involved. Talking through this with her in a useful way and trying to avoid the argument is the way to get your feelings across to her. What she does about it is out of your control.
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