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cathy, mental health counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS. MSEd
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my daughter is 7 years old, and has been diagnosed with adhd.

Customer Question

my daughter is 7 years old, and has been diagnosed with adhd. I am a single mother and have adult ADHD. My boyfriend raises her as his own, and we have been together since she was 3. She sees him as her father. Long story short I have struggled at times balancing full time work school, and raising a child, and have not always been consistent in my disipline. However ive noticed that over the years her behavior has gotton progressively worse. She flys off the handle and throws fits over small things, and has even hit scratched and punched at me. She also seems to be relentless. She will continue throwing a fit for hours sometimes until she breaks me down and Im so exhausted that I just give in. The biggest issue i have is her anger, shes always had a short temper but as she gets bigger it seems get bigger. It has been to the point where the teachers and daycare staff have talked to me about her behavior. I am not sure what to do about this. I have talked to her, grounded her, taken things away, but she seems to still have problems controlling her anger.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.

Hi, and thanks writing JA. I think you nailed it when you said that you were not consistent with structure. I know, as you know, that parenting is the most difficult job anyone can attempt, but the point is that consistency is the issue here. If you can find a way (and yes it is abundantly clear that you have enough on your plate) to be consistent in rule setting, are all there. Here is what I recommend.... set your child's therapist to set up a "day" poster on a large post it board and that poster should contain no less than four and no more than six "rules" for the day. Try this day by day for three weeks and I then at the end of three weeks review this with the child's therapist. This usually works and I am not telling you anything that is not available for free on line, but the "usual" protocol is three weeks with a very structured plan. I so wish you all the very best. What you are attempting is so very difficult but at the same time, if you employ an ADHD approved structural plan you will be fine and the child will be much improved in a short time. Please make sure that you employ your child's therapist fully on this. Do that. In the interim, take a step back and take a deep breath and accept my congratulations that you are one caring and "involved" parent and I so wish there were more like you in my practice. Please put this on the child's therapist and please put some structure in place. All my very best and warmest regards XXXXX XXXXX Cathy

Expert:  cathy replied 4 years ago.
Hi, do you need to talk this over with your child's therapist? Let me know what you need to further help you on this and again, so happy you are such an engaged parent in this matter. C