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camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Child and Family Therapist, Parent Educator and Mother.
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My 16 year old daughter thinks that she can go and get half

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My 16 year old daughter thinks that she can go and get half her head shaved because that is the "cool" thing to do. I told her no way, our house rules are you have a normal haircut and when you are 18 and out of my house living on your own you can do what you want. But under my roof are my house rules.

She is really mad. Is there a better way that I can tell my kids when they want to do something crazy that I know they will regret in the future. Teens just don't have the ability to see long term consequences. And when I try to explain it to them, they just think I am old and stupid.

camd2000 :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am sorry you and your daughter are having a disagreement. As you have probably figured out this is quite common during the teenage years. I am sure this is not the first disagreement and it certainly will not be the last. At this stage, adolescents are desperate for independence yet don't always think of the long term consequences of their actions as you stated. Unfortunately, sometimes the best way for children and teens to learn is to make the mistakes themselves and face the natural consequences of their mistakes. If someone teases your daughter about her haircut she will learn much better than from any warning you can give. Having said that, it does not mean you need to let her run out and do anything she wants. Just think through which things are important to you. Set limits around those issues and give her some freedom around other things (even if you are not thrilled with her choices). This gives her the opportunity to test out some independence safely under your roof and learn from some of her own mistakes. And when you do set a limit like the hair cut, your daughter will most likely be mad. Try and acknowledge her feelings. "I know that you are angry and I understand how frustrating it is when you want something and someone tells you no, but these are the rules". When you are 18 you can choose to cut your hair anyway you want. You can even tell her a story of something similar that happened to you when you were her age. It is a tough age. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a great job. Please let me know if this was helpful or if you have further questions. All the Best. Kerrie

camd2000 and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Hi Kim,

I just wanted to follow up and see how things are going with your daughter. Is she still mad about the haircut? I hope that my tips have been helpful. Please let me know if you have any further questions or would like help with anything else.

All the Best,