Rafael M.T.Therapist says:5:14 PM
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you. (Information posted here is not private or confidential but public).
I am very sorry to know about your family situation.
I have to say that you are absolutely right. Based on your story, your daughter is showing disrespectful behaviors, and clearly your husband is not showing enough understanding about differences between respect and spoiling or enabling abusive behavior.
Your daughter is still totally depending on you, and as long as that's the case, she must respect you, your rules, limits and boundaries, taking responsibility for her feelings, choices and actions.
if she does not like a meal, then she is free to cook something for her, as long as she takes full responsibility for it, from getting the ingredients, to cooking and cleaning, assuming she has a job.
This situation is showing core issue in the different parenting styles you and your husband have, and it seems necessary for you to work on improving the way you work as a team offering consistent and assertive discipline and affection, in order for your daughter to develop her personality and life as a healthy adult.
If your husband is unable or unwilling to come to terms with this need, then I think you would need to get professional marriage and family counseling to work on it.
Does it make sense?