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Good afternoon, I would like to help with your question today.
I am the mother of twin 2 year olds, and know exactly how the jealous thing goes. The struggle, especially in having a two year old, and one so tiny, that needs constant attention, is being able to provide each child with the attention that he or she wants or needs. It appears that your 2 year old is jealous of the baby; the reality is not only was your two year old the baby, but was also the only child (am I correct?). If so, your two year old is having to make a major transition in sharing attention, as well as being completely replaced as the baby.
This is where you have to be very mindful of giving your two year old the equal attention that she needs. It also appears that both of your children are girls; this brings a third dynamic into the equation. Make sure that you give your two year old as much alone time with you that you can. Let her know that she is still your baby, and that you will always love her. When you are interacting with your two year old as well as the baby, be sure to include your 2 year old in what you are doing; ask her to help by bringing you diapers, or soap; let her help you clothe, feed and bathe the baby. Praise her for being a good Big Sister; this is the new role that she will have to learn to accept. Make that role fun, rewarding, and inclusive for her.
Good Afternoon, thank you for your help.
Yes, she is the oldest. Ever since the little one was born, we include our oldest in a lot of the activities that you mentioned. My concern is that this is not just jealosy because she transitioned from being relaxed to all of a sudden erratic. Also with other kids we have to watch closely ... By the way I make sure each of us spend alone time with her and I feel to we spend less time with the baby. The baby is very mellow so this works but I'm tired of not making any progress with her discipline, when she doesn't get what she wants she throws a fit... almost everyday there is crying and time out and I'm sorry to say sometimes we shout at her even tough I feel very bad about it and also that it is not helping at all.
I can definitely understand your frustration. And if you think that your daughter's behavior is erratic, it wouldn't hurt to bring this up to her pediatrician. I don't really recommend time outs for two year olds, they really don't understand the purpose of them. It would probably help to work more to redirect her negative behavior to one that's positive. When she tries to hit the baby, stop her and say, "You can't hit the baby, but you can touch her softly like this....", and then take her hand and show her how. When she does good things, praise her with applause and excitement, for being a "Big Girl"
As I said, it's not just "a new baby", Your 2 year old was once the only Child, the only Baby, and the only Girl. In her two year old mind, that's a big change, and a very heavy burden, I am sure.
I know it can be very hard, but please don't yell at her. Yelling at her only teaches her that this is how you respond when you don't like what people do.
Thank you I appreciate your help :) I will avoid raising my voice at her from now on. Another question: we have a babysitter that is coming to us every day from 4-7 since the baby was born to spend time with the oldest. Is that a bad idea? should I be spending this time with her and let the babysitter stay with the baby? I am not working.
Yes, I definitely think that your 2 year old needs your attention as much as possible. Be patient and supportive; and keep encouraging her to be a big girl. Please let me know if you need any other ideas. I am more than happy to help.