Parenting

Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Parenting

My husband controls my 17 year old daughter. He wants to know

Customer Question
what she's doing every minute...
My husband controls my 17 year old daughter. He wants to know what she's doing every minute of the day. She has a car, has a job and goes to school. She is a straight A student. Just the other night, she got off from work and was going to pick her boyfriend up (who she has been dating for 2 years) and he flipped on her that she had to come home right after work. This is 9:45. Then a day later, she and her boyfriend were eating dinner at our home and after dinner she wanted to go back out. She has a curfew of 10:30. He flipped out again, that it's already 7PM and you don't need to go out. It's dark out? Are you kidding me? Whenever I try to interfere, a huge war starts. I am not allowed to be involved at all when it comes to his "rules". My daughter suffers all the time and she's a good kid. I mean, might as well be bad if your treated as such. She doesn't though for my sake. I really believe my husband needs counseling. He says I'm the bad parent because I don't back him up. How can I back him up, when what he says/does is totally outrageous? I just want my daughter to have a fun childhood and fun memories as a teenager. I honestly don't worry when she's out. She's never broken curfew (that is when he allows to her to even stay out to curfew). I'm at my wits end, and honestly don't know what to do anymore. I think he has a personality disorder because I've been reading up about it lately. Am I wrong? Am I wrong to let my 17 year old responsible child leave the house on her own as long as I know where she's at? And is home by curfew? I really don't think I am but need someone else to tell me so.

Thank you so much!
Laurie
Submitted: 4 years ago.Category: Parenting
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 6 hours by:
2/27/2013
Parenting Counselor: camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist replied 4 years ago
camd2000
camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 13
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Child and Family Therapist, Parent Educator and Mother.
Verified

camd2000 :

This sounds like a difficult situation. The teenage years are tricky because there it is tough to balance giving your child some freedom and autonomy and wanting to make sure they are safe. It sounds like your husband is worried about your daughter and trying to control her is how he is handling his worries. It sounds like your approach is very different. I am sure you worry about your daughter at times too, but that you also trust her. Everyone has different parenting styles, but it sounds like your daughter has earned her freedom and autonomy since she follows your rules and is on time for curfew. I cannot tell you whether he has a personality disorder since I cannot diagnose him if I have not met him and since he is not my client. But, I can understand your concerns about him being controlling. It sounds to me like you both could use some support around co-parenting. It is often that parents disagree on parenting issues, but it is important to try and find some compromise so that you can be consistent with your daughter. Perhaps a professional like a therapist or a parent coach could help you two come to some agreements when it comes to parenting your daughter.

camd2000 :

Sorry, I accidentally hit submit before I had finished writing. One idea is for you and your husband to try and come to some compromise (if he is willing). You can create some specific guidelines for your daughter (such as the curfew, how many times that she can go out during the week and maybe she needs to check in after she has been out for a while). I realize that some of this may be giving her less freedom, but if you put a few things in place that will help your husband worry less then maybe he can let some other issues go. I wish you the best and hope this is helpful.

JACUSTOMER-4si1t1hx- :

Hi, and thank you for your response. I have tried the suggestions that you have made. She does have to text us as soon as she gets to where she is, then calls to check in and then texts us again on her way home. She really is not doing anything wrong. I just don't know how to get my husband on board to let the reigns loose a bit. I think he just makes up rules sometimes just so he can yell at her even when she does no wrong. It's just not separate parenting, I think he really has mental issues. I will never ever get him to see a counselor or anything. We do sit down and come up with certain "rules" but a week or two goes by and he's like, new rules, everything's changing again. He'll agree to something the night before and then when the next day comes he pretends as if he never even had the conversation. It's extrememly frustrating. I told him that he can not keep changing the "rules" set. It's bad parenting. It shows that he even has no consistency so what is she to believe herself? I don't know, I'm just at my wits end.

camd2000 :

It sounds like you have good instincts and good parenting instincts. And it can be very challenging to deal with someone who seems to have their own agenda. Have you tried asking him how he thinks it makes his daughter feel or asking him why he changes the rules. Perhaps if you can tap into his feelings (ask him if he is worried about her or why he would like to be strict with her) maybe he will be more receptive. Does this impact your daughter negatively as well? Has your husband always been this way or is this a new development? Is he controlling in general or just with your daughter? Is it possible that your husband would be willing to meet with a non-counselor professional like a parent coach? Some people are more receptive if it is not therapy. I am asking a lot of questions to get a better understanding of the situation so I can give you more information. It does seem that this situation warrants professional intervention. But, if your husband is not willing, unfortunately the best thing you can do is look at ways that you can work within this difficult situation. If you think that is the case we can discuss more ideas about how to do that. Please let me know.

camd2000 :

I hope this was helpful. If so, please give me a positive rating. If you are not satisfied with the answer, I would be happy to follow up if you have more questions.

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Ask camd2000 Your Own Question
camd2000
camd2000
camd2000, Parent Coach/Therapist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 13
13 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Child and Family Therapist, Parent Educator and Mother.

camd2000 is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

94 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

77 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher
This questions is about child psychology. Our dance teacher is preparing our child for a dance competition. She keeps telling the child not to be nervous , not to be afraid. It seems to produce an opp… read more
Gaurav Gupta
Gaurav Gupta
MD, CEO
Post-Doctoral Degree
22 satisfied customers
I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year
Hi Pearl I am a father of two, a four year old girl and a two year old boy. I would like to get some advice on how to calmly handle my two year old. He is quite a handful, and it gets especially frust… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her
My 13 year old daughter currently lives with my parents (her grandparents). My current wife (her stepmom) and I are visiting my parents for the holidays with our two daughters. My daughter who lives w… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
56 satisfied customers
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my
My 11 year old stepdaughter is causing problems between my boyfriend and I, we live together, and one of her biggest issues is that she doesn't stop lying, her lies go from “I didn't do it-to lying to… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with
My step daughter is 22 and opted to come back to live with us. I've been with her mom for 10 years now and this child now adult has always been very selfish. She puts herself first for everything and … read more
S. August Abbott
S. August Abbott
Etiquette consultant
Doctoral Degree
260 satisfied customers
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as
Our son, who is in grade 3, has severe dyslexia, as well as dysgraphia) which was diagnosed in grade one, but through the psych assessment we also learned he has extremely high cognitive ability. For … read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to
i have a 6 year old about to turn seven.and im trying to teach him discipline because i don't wanna spank or hit. So ive been introducing tasks around the house. And geting him to say yes sir and no s… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has
Hi, I need adice how to approach a adopted daughter whom has started spreading untruths this is a brief only Thank you janys… read more
CamilleRN
CamilleRN
Registered Nurse, Director of Nursing
4,150 satisfied customers
Dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think
dear dr. my son is 12 years old he is smart in every think but when ever we will ask him to study he dont like. he make the face and you fell that he is sick. he sit long time for one subject to do hi… read more
danny541
danny541
Retired
608 satisfied customers
I raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me,
i raised my little girl for almost 4 years very close to me, to build a strong bond. i was a young single mom and did the best i knew how. i then ended up introducing someone into both of our lives th… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in
I have an 11 year old boy that is not doing his work in school. I have put him on punishment, and he knows I am in constant contact with his teacher. It is not that he can't do his work, it is that he… read more
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Dr. Y. Vasavada
Consultant Pediatrician
Doctoral Degree
2,246 satisfied customers
Whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in
whats the best rated kindergartens and elementary schools in the orange county and LA area.… read more
Michael
Michael
Research Librarian
Bachelor\u0027s Degree
86 satisfied customers
This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a
(This is not a duplicate question) This question is for a parenting expert. I have a 5 year old pre-adoptive child in my home. I am her 5th placement in 3 years. This week, she received a diagnosis of… read more
DrJackiePhD
DrJackiePhD
Associate Professor of Communication
Doctoral Degree
102 satisfied customers
My three year old turning four in September still isn't
my three year old turning four in September still isn't potty trained. When he was two and a half his grandmother saw that he accidentally pooped his pants had lost her mind held him on the toilet and… read more
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
953 satisfied customers
My step son argues with me about everything I say. I'm tired
I'm tired of it and want to say something in a loving way … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed
The internet says that when actress, Bette ******, passed away, she disinherited her daughter, B.D. *******, because B.D. ****** wrote a book about her saying that she was a drunk and all of that. In … read more
LegalGems
LegalGems
Juris Doctorate
10,718 satisfied customers
Far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled" Eyre"
far, I have only read chapter one of the book titled "Jane Eyre" by Charlotte Bronte. In chapter one, ***** *****, the son of the Reed family, scolds Jane Eyre for reading one of the Reed family's boo… read more
Cher
Cher
Teacher
Masters Degree
94 satisfied customers
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
170 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x