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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1512
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I have a 2 & 1/2 year old son. My ex husband left when I was

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I have a 2 & 1/2 year old son. My ex husband left when I was 6 months pregnant and since our son was born he has only known his home to be his mom, meemaw, and papap ( I live with my parents). Now my ex husband is taking me to court so he can have our son one week and me one week. What psychological problems could arise with this type of arangment? I am afraid this will be very confusing for him and would like to know what impact this could have on our son.
Oh boy this is a big mess. I could tell you the effects it will have on your son but I have a better idea. I would petition the court to do parenting/custody evaluations on both of you. The custody evaluator will definitely take in to consideration the impact of the father abandoning his child will have on the child. Definitely push for this to happen. In the meantime, if no court order is in place for custody or visitation then you owe him nothing. He has no rights at this time. Having this guy in and out of the child's life can cause a great amount of anxiety and confusion for the child. To be a parent one day a week will never develop into the type of bond a parent-child is supposed to have. Let him pursue custody at his expense. usually a guardian ad letum is appointed by the court to oversee visitation and the child's well-being. This is where you can request the court order a custody evaluation. My guess is you will come out on top.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

In our divorce decree my ex husband is to get our son, one weekend friday through sunday 6pm to 6pm then the following weekend 6pm friday to saturday 4pm. This worked while my ex husband worked for Medcorp. Then when he got his job with AMR in June things changed. He was only getting him during the days before he had to work his midnight shifts and sometimes not at all. Like I said from June to January hardly at all. I would even call and ask if he wanted him and he would say "maybe" if I get some sleep before work. My ex husband just quit his job with AMR February 9, 2013 and now wants what the divorce papers say. He has a new job, but does not know what his hours will be. When my ex is "sick" or has to go into work he drops our son off with his mother and father without telling me and in our divorce papers our son is to come back home to me or my parents when this happens. My son is comfortable where ever he goes so that isn't an issue but I want what is best for our young son. I recently started taking him to a babysitter who also watches one other child his age so he can learn to play well with other children before pre-school. My ex feels during those times he should get him.I'm so confused.

Ok, this might change things. I guess the big question I have for you is what do you think your ex's motives are for wanting the child more? Do you think he cares for the child and will take care of him?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

My ex husband does take care of our son when it is convenient for him. When it is not he drops him off with my ex mother in law and does not tell me until she calls me to pick him up. My ex husband is about control in all things and since he cannot control me, he feels the courts will side with him so he can get his way. He has no desire to co-parent with me since I feel this will be best for our young son. I do not feel carting our young son back and forth every other week to each parent will be good for him, I'm afraid it will creat more problems for my son in the long run. Like I said my son was hitting and biting and acting our before I had placed him with our babysitter who also watches a boy his age. Now our son is learning to share, pick up his toys no longer biting and hitting. I feel the acting out in the first place was because when he was with my ex he doesn't have a structure, yet here he has a controlled structure daily.

In this situation, once the courts intervene, there is nothing you can do. I advise you, like I do most of my clients, to play nice and be cordial with the other parent. If there is tension and anger between the two parents then you absolutely don't know what is happening at his house. If you play nice, then at least you might have an idea of what is happening with him and his family. So, adhere to the court order. Don't make a fuss about the child going to his parents, because after all, you need to play nice with them too. To get along with your ex means that as your child grows up then he will truly see the parent that has his best interest in mind. Kill your ex with kindness. This will have a greater impact on your son's mental well-being then if there was resistance between the two of you. Get along with his parents. They will be the second pair of eyes on your ex. You can make it work. For the sake of your child you need to make it work. With or without your ex's consent.
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