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Ask Eleanor
Ask Eleanor, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1517
Experience:  Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist & Professional Counselor with 15 years of clinical experience
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my son just told me he is in a relationship with a girl whom

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my son just told me he is in a relationship with a girl whom I didn't like. How can I react? tell him the truth or pretend to approve it?

Ask Eleanor :

Hello, you are certainly in quite a dilema. Please tell me why you do not like this girl.

Ask Eleanor :

There seems to be a problem with our chat so I am going to switch to the Q&A mode. You will receive an e-mail that I have responded to you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

I am here and will await your reply.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

You haven't answered my question yet, how can I rate you????

Sorry, that is an automatic reply because I switched to Q&A. I am here and awaiting your reply. Please tell me why you do not like this girl. Also what ages are your son and she?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

My son is 17, that girl is 18. I don't like her because she is not a good student, she doesn't study hard, she doesn't plan to go to college, I'm afraid she has bad influence to my son.

Thank you for your patience and for answering my questions. My computer went down and I have been online with Dell for the past couple of hours. I understand your concern; I am sure I would feel the same way. However the more you disapprove of this girl, the more your son will be attracted to her. And it is also likely to negatively effect your communication with him, which is of paramount importance with a teenager. I would not pretend that you approve of her, but I would not tell him that you do not like her. Be respectful and kind to her. If you treat her negatively, your son will only come to her defense. If you are patient and give it time, he is likely realize that they do not share the same values. Of course, if his grades begin to slip, then you will need to talk with him about what is going on, which would include your concern about his girlfriend's influence. And I would express it in that way, talk about the fact that she doesn't study hard, etc, about her behavior, never say that you do not like her. So I would give it time and not talk with him right now about your disapproval of her. I hope this is helpful. Let me know if you need anything further. I am leaving the site for the night, but will return in the morning around 11am EST. I see that you previously gave me a "Bad Service" rating and I certainly understand. Once again, I apologize for the delay in my response and for the confusion regarding the automatic message you received that our chat was over when it was clearly not. I hope you will reconsider and give me a positive rating for this response if you feel my answer has been helpful to you. Thank you and take care, Eleanor
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