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My husband and I disagree on how to discipline our 2 children.

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They are 16 months apart...
My husband and I disagree on how to discipline our 2 children. They are 16 months apart in age with the older one being the boy who turned 4 in October and the younger a girl who doesn't turn 3 until the 16th of this month. My husband believes that they should receive the same punishment for the same things. For instance if our son does something that I think entitles being in big trouble for that our daughter should get in the same amount of trouble since she knows right and wrong too. My stand is that No she shouldn't receive the same amount of trouble because she's younger and just because she might know right or wrong she doesn't necessarily understand why things are right and wrong and that if she sees her big brother doing she doesn't necessarily know something is wrong. He's 4 and some of the things he does he knows for certain aren't okay. Please tell me what the right way to handle this is! I hope I made sense in my question!
Submitted: 4 years ago.Category: Parenting
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2/2/2013
Parenting Counselor: Aislin C, Parent replied 4 years ago
Aislin C
Aislin C, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in Alternative lifestyle and parent of two teenagers
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Aislin C :

helloCustomer i would be glad to help you with this question

Aislin C :

parenting and discipline are one of the main things that couples often argue about. That and finances usually top the list. But this argument is a common one and one my own husband and i faced when our kids were growing up as well. Unfortunately, in this instance, your husband is correct, to an extent. When raising children, its never too early to teach them what the rules of the house are and often times children learn by mimicking either other siblings, or parents themselves. So even though your almost three year old is 16 months younger than your son, she is still old enough to start to learn what the rules of behavior should be, and by holding her accountable as well as your son you show your son that both of them are treated the same. By not holding her accountable your son may start to feel that your daughter is favored and this can lead to sibling rivalry and resentment as well as feelings of low self esteem on your sons part. However, you are also right, to an extent, that she shouldn't receive the same amount of trouble. A way that most parents handle this is with the time out discipline. Usually, for time out, a child receives one minute for each year of their age. So your son would be in time out for 4 minutes and your 3 year old for 3 minutes. Always think about the lessons you want both your children to learn. Discipline (notice i don't say punishment) is designed to teach a lesson. It's done out of love, not anger, and is meant to teach a child

Aislin C :

what you want them to learn. When you discipline a child you always explain the reasons why you are disciplining them and then afterwards have a conversation with them about why they were disciplined and what they could have done differently. Always follow through on both parts and always be consistent in your discipline. The same action gets the same discipline every single time, and after the discipline is over and you have talked about why, all is forgiven and you move on. this teaches the child that they are still loved even though they did something wrong and it teaches them why they did something wrong and what the correct response should have been. Does this makes sense?

Aislin C :

I hope that you found this helpful. If not, please let me know so that i might help you further.

Aislin C
Aislin C, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in Alternative lifestyle and parent of two teenagers
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Category: Parenting
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Experience: Masters degree in Marriage and Family Therapy specializing in Alternative lifestyle and parent of two teenagers

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