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professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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My son s behaviour is bad most of the time,he teases his brother

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My son s behaviour is bad most of the time,he teases his brother all the time,he say rude words to me,he shouts at me,he hates doing hw so hw is a nightmare to me cause he won t focus etc...what is the most effective way to deal with him cause he s driving me crazy

professional_Alison : Hello there, may I help you? May I ask how old your son is please?
professional_Alison : Hello again, I see from another one of your questions that your son is six years old. He needs to have some clear boundaries set in place. He will quickly learn what is acceptable behaviour if you remain consistent in your treatment of him. Introduce a rewards chart with stickers for completing homework and for polite behaviour and following instructions. When he reaches 10 stars he can go to the shop and choose a magazine for example. When he gets to 20 he could have a trip swimming or bowling. Explain what you expect from him and also that if he chooses not to do homework or follow instructions there will be a loss of privelidges such as television or computer for the evening. Explain that once homework is done his time will be his own to do as he pleases. With regard to rudeness that has to be explained that you will not tolerate it and if he continues after a warning he is placed in time out for six minutes and made to apologise for his actions.
professional_Alison : I hope this helps to answe your question please let me know if I can help you further.
Customer: Is it ok if I keep sending him to his room for 6 mins if during the day he keeps being rude?
professional_Alison : No best not to use his room as a negative punishment, the bottom step of the stairs is best or a chair away from you and toys so he is removed from the situation and has time to reflect on his behaviour. Once the six minutes is up it is important to explain why you
professional_Alison : putyou put him on the step and then ask him for an apology. Then have a hug and move on from it.
Customer: I like the idea of the chart,should I give him a sticker at that exact time that he does something good?or I decide at the end of the day?
Customer: Regards XXXXX XXXXX should I do if when I put him away from me he keeps coming to me?
professional_Alison : Split the day into am and pm for stickers so it is an achievable goal. When he is in time out set a timer ad if he keeps getting up keep putting him back without talking to him or making eye contact until he stays there and completes his six minutes time out.
professional_Alison : Also when you give him stickers its important to praise his efforts and remind him why he got them. For example being polite or kind to his sibling.
professional_Alison : And completing homework without a fuss allow him to choose what he would like to do afterwards for free time.
professional_Alison : The importance here is lots of praise when he displays good behaviour.
professional_Alison and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I introduced the chart to my son,he s doing more than he should like reading,bathing without battles,and every time he does something good he demands a sticker so he can collect 10 and get a present,do you think this is ok?
Explain to your son that a sticker can be earnt one in the morning and one in the afternoon if you see a continuous effort, not per positive behaviour, so after 5 days if he has ten stickers he can choose a reward, try not to make its sweets or chocolate though. Praise all good behaviour and continue to encourage him. Well done for introducing this new reward chart to him. Stick with it and be consistent.
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Customer: replied 4 years ago.
As for the chart, It really is helping me in lots of ways.If he throws a tantrum in the morning,afterwords he ll keep asking me if he s still going to get a sticker,would I give him one that morning?
Don't tell him either way until the morning is up, make a judgment if you think there has been a real effort made then explain your reasoning for giving a sticker ad also if he has had a tantrum and you decide not to give him a sticker, again explain this bit go forward with a positive and say let's see if we can get a sticker this afternoon. Try to be fair, if he has a small blip but you feel he's trying award a sticker. If there is more than one incident or outburst then don't give stickers. Remember to explain your reasoning without getting into any negotiations. Then straight on with the afternoon positive behaviour. Do not enter into discussions during each set period of whether he may or may not get a sticker. If it helps you could set an alert for sticker time so he knows when it's time to find out one way or the other. It's sounds as if you are doing really well so remain consistent and remember who's in charge.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
When my 2 sons (10yr old and 6 yr 0ld)are fighting, usually the older sibling end up hurting his brother, sometimes badly like kicking him in his private,the youngest starts shouting at me to punish his brother,honestly I would prefer to stay out of it cause sometimes the victim started picking on his brother at the first place or they both say they're innocent,what do you think I should do?i can t stay like a police on them,I ve tried and it s very frustrating.
In a situation like this when you don't know who started it and haven't witnessed the build up to one sibling hurting another, you need to separate them immediately and then once they have cooled down explain that you will not tolerate this kind of behaviour, if it continues give them a warning that that will both lose a privilege such as television or computer time that evening. It is important to intervene wen things spiral to the point of hitting or kicking but I agree with you they should also be allowed to try an sort minor disputes out without you stepping in. Do remember it is normal for siblings to argue and fight but you have to make a judgement as to when it reaches an unacceptable point where you intervene. I hope this helps answer your question.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I am so depressed,they are rude most of the time,I m loosing hope.I can t punish them every hour.or if yes,do I send them time out every time?

Don't loose hope, it sounds like you ate doing everything right, try to separate them and give them something to do elsewhere rather than time out or punishment, try to diffuse the situation before it gets to them hurting each other. One upstairs playing and one in the garden or lounge for example.
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Thank you do let me know if I can assist up further. I have also answered another of your questions an would be happy to help you.