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Hello, I am just looking for confirmation for my own piece

Hello, I am just...
Hello, I am just looking for confirmation for my own piece of mind. The situation goes: I hosted a party for my 17 year old son and some friends yesterday, Australia Day. I was what I thought being a responsible parent, brought BBQ food, pavlova etc for them to enjoy. So hears the problem....my husband critisized me the whole day, everything I did I was thrown a negative, he sat on the couch and watched me keep an eye on the event. Afte the boys had packed up the pool etc in the afternoon I drove three trips for the teenagers to there next venue, again so they wouldn't drive themself, thought I was being a responsible parent. He never offered to assist me, just watched the process the whole day... I thought I married for a partnership and and to provide a safe environment for our kids. This is what I have done for our older son and what I will provide for our youngest. Can you please give me some advise as to where to go from here as at this point I would prefer not to be around my husband. I asked him to talk to me about it last night but totally refused in an angry voice, told me he would talk this morning, it's now halfway through the day and nothing.

Hope you can shine some light on where I should go from here.

Sharee
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Answered in 3 minutes by:
1/27/2013
Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 153
Experience: 15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
Verified

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Hello, is there any idea of what upset him about the party?

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I would like to help you if I may?

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

It seems that what you did for your child was kind. Maybe he does not like to spend time off, hosting others. Maybe if I understood a little more of the history with social events, I could help more.

Customer: He thinks I do way to much for my kids and don't get any respect in return so he switches off and hates me doing things like this. I get a lot of satisfaction from holding these things and I know where my kids are as well. I don't think they are disrespectful to me, they are fine towards me, typical teenagers.
Customer: I really dis
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, teenagers will be teenagers. I see this as more of a relationship issue. He feels that you are spoiling them. You are not. Maybe in the future, have events when he is not around so that the conflict will not exist. I would not try to depend on any assistance from him

Customer: I really dislike being in my relationship with my husband when it comes to times like this, we have been married almost 21 yrears
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Yes, I believe that there are always moments that we clash as humans with our partners. The great thing is, you know this is an issue, so you can know what to expect in the future. The bad thing is, it is a very bad pattern.

Customer: I certainly don't depend on him anymore but I married for a partnership and there seems to be nothing left. He is never not around me. I spent a whole week away and my daughter contacted me saying she was worried about him as he sat on the couch the whole time looking depressed. It seems he some controlling features.
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

It for sure sounds like there are some controlling issues here. The act of refraining and ignoring you when he is upset, is a form of emotional abuse. He most likely does not even know he is doing this. That is a very long marriage. I am very sorry that you never reached the partnership level.

Customer: Any ideas where I should go from here??
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I would usually suggest some sort of counseling but I can tell from your description, he is not the type. Try to open up a line of communication with him..Slowly but steady about the treatment of you and how it hurts you.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Sometimes men shut down because they honestly do not know how to handle the present situation. But, lashing out is another issue. Is there any chance of communication?

Customer: I will try, but he really isn't a communicator on any level....or only If and when it suits.
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

It seems that you are very unhappy with your relationship. I am very sorry for you. Would you like me to refer you to someone in psychology, I am almost there but not a certified Doctor yet.

Customer: If you could recommend someone that would be awesome. I am very unhappy at the present, as I'm not sure of my direction. We are obviously on different pages.
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I am thinking there are some techniques you could use with him...I just do not want to advise incorrectly.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I can tell very much so.

Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

Let me see if I can find another expert to help you dear.

Customer: Thank you. :)
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

I have sent your question to another category. Let me know if you get someone that can help you further dear.

Customer: Ok thank you, XXXXX XXXXX need to post a rating on this page for you to get paid correctly?
Adviser Mills C.C.D. :

If you would like too, you can. If you start a new thread, There are many areas that may be able to help you, Guidance, tarot or mental health. I hope you find some more help

Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 153
Experience: 15 years Plus, Preschool Owner, Teen Mentor
Verified
Adviser Mills C.C.D. and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 4 years ago
Was the next psychology consultant coming on now or later ??
I have sent the question to another category, hang on for a minute and let me see if I can find someone to help, online right now.
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Hello dear! To expedite the process. Post a new question, in Relationships and request Ryan Kappel. He is very good and online. You can even just ask for him in subject line and I will send him information for you.
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
I hope that you have found some assistance. Please know you are not alone in this situation!

many deal with this. Just make sure to take care of yourself first.

Peace to you dear!
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Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Adviser Mills C.C.D.
Adviser Mills C.C.D., Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 153
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