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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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OK deep breath. i would like to get Real opinions and maybe

Customer Question

OK deep breath. i would like to get Real opinions and maybe ideas on how to balance this what seems to me a very complicated issue.

History: Me Dad 11 year old and 2 week old me and my x have a daughter and me and my fiancee have a newborn daughter. Fiancee has 3 boys with x and newborn with me.
Issue: we (fiancee and I with Baby) live in south Florida and her x and 3 children (ages 15, 13, 3) live in Georgia about 9 hours away. Neither my x or hers will move we have thought of relocating to a more central location for both of us to ease the burden of visitation equally. we have even thought of splitting up so she can move up to GA so shes closer to her boys and work out visitation between us. What would you do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 4 years ago.
Hello. Brainstorming with all involved is going to be how you solve this. It will take many ideas and balancing between what works with who. I would not advise splitting up, as it will take its toll on your relationship. Moving to a more central location could work if your employment and housing situation would work as well, I don't know the details of that. 9 hours is not a huge distance. You can possibly find a half way point and meet there whenever the kids are on vacation from school or have a long weekend. It's difficult to give you a more specified opinion without knowing everyone's work and living situation and what id doable for some may not be doable for the other. Just keep talking it out, it will work out.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.

This is a very difficult situation that you are both in. I do not know how you both ended up in this situation, but sometimes it is better to not even get started if these issues were known. However, I do understand sometimes that is impossible and now the main focus is what to do now. It is good that you are both looking at ways to accommodate everyone and it is true that no one can be forced to move. Before I realized that you and your fiancee have a child together my answer was going to be completely different. The fact that you both have a child together makes this more difficult. If you did not have a child together then I would say what it basically comes down to is what is most important. Really she is going to have to give up seeing you often or her children. I can not be the one to make that decision for her, but personally I will always pick my children first. I too have 3 children, so I can imagine how painful it is to be without them as well as how painful for them to be without her, but I also do not want to take your relationship lightly. I feel children do not have fault in this and they really need their mom in their lives. Her being away can affect them in years to come whereas most likely the two of you will find a way to maintain a long distance relationship and get together again in the future. The fact that you both have a child together really changes everything. You both have already started a family together and are also planning to get married. If she leaves this child she will be put in the same situation without you in a different place, so that does not really solve anything. The only real logical thing to do that I would recommend is her to stay with you because regardless of how she got into this situation she is already in it and would not want to leave this child behind now. It would be great if your exes could move, but since they are unwilling if you both are able to then I would move with your fiancee somewhere more north in Florida. This way you can both be in the middle between your children and her closer to hers. At least it will be closer on both your parts. Instead of being 9 hours for her maybe it will be just 4.5 for each of you. This is what I think is best based on what you explained, but please let me know if this was helpful, if I missed any important detail, or just mixed up the situation completely. I will be happy to help further. I wish you all the very best.