Dr. Tiye : Hello!
Dr. Tiye : You are right, you're in quite a dilemma. Unfortunately, you got attached to your girlfriend during a time when you really couldn't see and experience all of her, as both a woman and a mother. Now that her children are back the role she plays in life is very different and she becomes a package deal. No matter how much some people say that you're dating the woman and not the kids this is simply untrue. While I'm sure you thought about this some in the first six weeks, it has now really hit home.
Dr. Tiye : Not being ready to stand in as a father does not make you a bad guy, it makes you an honest one. Many single parents choose to wait a long time before introducing a new boyfriend bit for whatever reason she did not. My guess, however, is that she did introduce you as a friend which makes it quite easier for you to end the relationship as opposed to if she had introduced you and treated you as their new dad.
Dr. Tiye : If this type of relationship is too much for you right now, it's okay. Just be honest and don't continue it on any longer because of you do expectations and attachments can occur.
Dr. Tiye : If she is reasonable, she won't be mad at you if you admit to continuing to grow, learn, and experience life.
Dr. Tiye : You just finished school which in sum has been your entire life for over 20 years.
Dr. Tiye : Now is your time to establish your career and lifestyle and if you're not up to adding children to that right now, it's your choice and not at all selfish.
Dr. Tiye : Again, this would be very different if you had moved in with her and started taking on father roles. That would be unfair to her and the children.
Dr. Tiye : From my understanding, that is not what has happened, so the best time to switch firmly to the friend track is now.
Yes I was never introduced as a dad. Being around her an her kids I find myself doing parenting and teaching stuff, just a role I'm not ready for. She is a reasonable person but its a difficult thing to talk about but I dont think I can prolong this. I need to tell her right away. Its been eating away at me for the last month so I'm glad you dont see it as being selfish. Yes I am not living with he, that would be way too soon. But I really got attached to her when her kids werent here, we spent everyday together. I will talk with her tonight.
I am sad about it because she is a beautiful person even as a mother. But I have to do whats rights. Any suggestions in talking to her about it?
Dr. Tiye : Good luck, I know it will be hard but remember to tell her that you truly think that she and her children are amazing, you just have some goals that you have to reach before you become a parent.
Thank you. You have made it very clear for me.
Dr. Tiye : Let her know that she and the kids deserve someone that is totally ready and that you do not want to be a source of disappointment. Life (and probably their real dad) may already caused enough of that.