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KansasTherapist, LSCSW
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 566
Experience:  17 years experience with depression, abuse, and borderline.
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my son is 19 years old.he is always really anger.we provide

Customer Question

my son is 19 years old.he is always really anger.we provide for him every thing from cellphone, food,room,car insurance.he has a full time job but we don't want anything from him just continue his education,but he is not finish his high school even in summer time.he just in home focus on internet for movies or game.i try every thing but not i can do?please help me.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  KansasTherapist replied 4 years ago.

KansasTherapist : Hello
KansasTherapist : i think to begin with you need to start setting expectations if your son is going to continue living at home and having all of his expenses paid.
KansasTherapist : For him to continue to be supported he would need to make a plan for his education. If he's not willing or able to do that, he will need to come to understand what it's like to live on what he makes from a job he can get without a diploma.
KansasTherapist : You could help him figure out where he's going to live that he can afford, the cost of phone and other bills, and help him with a budget.
KansasTherapist : If he just gets angry and refuses to make a plan with you, you are lft with a few choices.
Customer :

unfortunately even he knows we like him but he dont speak too much.we try to fraindly communicate with him but he doesnt respond

KansasTherapist : You may need to give him a deadline and stop paying his bills.
Customer :

i came to the US from 7 years ago and wi live in i have around 10 relative family and every body care about education.they didn't know of my son situation even they cant imagine that he is in bad situation.because every body knew i really care about education.

KansasTherapist : Why didn't he graduate with his class?
Customer :

i scare tell him go out of home and he goes get some freind that may they are in drug or in bad way.

Customer :

he don't pay attention to his class.i saw in mat, one time i explain to him and he wery fast solve the problem.but all try to i work with him he refused.

Customer :

KansasTherapist : I can understand your belief in the importance of education. It sounds like your son is immature for 19. The way he can gain some maturity is by taking responsibility for himself.
Customer :

we had a bad time in my religion different from my they expelled me from the university and dont let most of my wife and me had to have a busy time in making clothes and my son from early childhood was far from parents most of times.i bought for him playstation game to spent his time but unfortunately i think it was a wrong decision.and he paly from his childhood action games.

KansasTherapist : Yes, life is dull compared to video games.
KansasTherapist : are you willing to stop paying for his phone, car insurance, etc?
Customer :

i try to give appointment with a pcychitrist in the city but he doesn't you think if i tell him he should go from home if not respectful,is that a correct decision?

Customer :

just i like he understand his situation and success in education for his future.if it is help i can disconnected

KansasTherapist : I think it would be good to offer to help him find a place to live and with a budget. That way you're not cutting him off, but helping him to take steps to be more responsible. If he's not willing to accept your help, then you could tell him he has to figure life out on his own.
Customer :

he is become fast angry when challenge with u think he has some sort of anxiety and need medicine.

KansasTherapist : it may be that he's depressed.
KansasTherapist : Medicine might help him but if he won't see a doctor, that's not really an option.
Customer :

one time i pushed him to go from home if he not go to class.he start to crying although he has a strong body figuration and has a muscle body.

KansasTherapist : that sounds like depression too.
KansasTherapist : It would be great if he would talk to a therapist.
Customer :

he use too much some sorts of protein for his gym and i know they are affect his attitude a little more than it should be.

KansasTherapist : Protein powder should have too much effect on his mood.
Customer :

i can help him i success to his education in all way that he wants.but he is really closed all communication ways.

KansasTherapist : I mean shouldn't have too much effect.
Customer :

sorry what is your mean of mean a phcychiatrist?

KansasTherapist : I have a nephew who is very intelligent and capable but he was never very good in school. He was able to get a full time job and become very successful before he finished high school. He has been able to support himself and do well but education doesn't work well for him. May your son will figure out what he needs to do to have the life he wants.
Customer :

most of relative bring their computer to fix it my son.he is fast understand but if he take a time on the problem is about how i stimulate him to pay attention to his education.because he become more far with his cousins because they continue thir son just think to buy a high speed car .for example infiniti and so on

KansasTherapist : i think what I would do is move him out of the house and give him some time to grow up. I would let him know that anytime he wants to go back to school, you'll help him.
Customer :

ok.thank you.any more suggestion do u have that i forgot to discusse it

KansasTherapist : I would continue to encourage him to talk to a therapist. If he is depressed he would do better with some treatment.
Customer :

can i have all these chat to show it to my wife or they are gone after finish the chat?

KansasTherapist : i'll switch to Q&A mode. Then you'll get an email with a link to our chat. If you have more question, you could ask them.
Customer :

thank you werry much.just i know it is very painful to treat my son and all the times my wife pray for him al=nd also crying for him because we loved him so much but we don't know what happen to him and why he do that.

Customer :

i don't know can we continue this chat next time.

KansasTherapist : You are very welcome. We can continue after I change to Q&A.
Customer :

my wife is on her job now.i mean can i have your contact when she come home and she has some question?

KansasTherapist : You'll get an email with a link to continue our chat.
Customer :

thanks again.just please do as you said to i show this chat to my wife.have a wonderful time and see you later.

KansasTherapist : Bye