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Ask earthsister Your Own Question
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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Three weeks ago we found a sizeable amount of weed in my sons

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Three weeks ago we found a sizeable amount of weed in my sons room. We discussed it with respect. We took away his cell phone "not as a punishment but to take away any distractions that would keep him on focusing on himself and what choices he had been making." He found the phone and was using it last night. We talked about this morning. We asked for his password XXXXX be able to read his text. Talked about trust and respect. He would not give it to us. He has a wide variety of friends so we are not making progress moving forward. Any advice on how to move forward?

earthsister :

Good morning, I would like to assist you today.

earthsister :

How old is your son?

earthsister :

I am assuming that your son is in his teenage years; a definite time for rebellion and experimentation. It is important that you lay down the rules for your son, and provide punishments that you follow through consistently on so that your son realizes that you are serious. Explain to your son (which I am sure he has already heard, but repeat for effect) that marijuana is an addictive drug that hampers one's ability to make good decisions and it can b damaging to his health in the long run. Assure him that you realize the peer pressure he may face with friends who are into it, but that you know he doesn't want to end up in jail or just end up lazy and unproductive by smoking marijuana.

earthsister :

Also, make sure that he is not selling it, this is even more reason to mention the jail thing. If this is the case, let your son know that there are better, and legal ways for a young man his age to make money: cutting grass, raking leaves, shoveling snow, there are even various online survey sites where at the age of 13 a child can have an account online, and earn money answering surveys and filling out offers.

Customer: He is 16. We have said and done the above. We are questioning now more about him taking the phone back. He feels we are blowing this out of proportion. We want to read his texts. He says that is a breach of trust and we agreed with him. However, it would provide insight. What do you think?
earthsister :

I agree with both of you; it is a breech of trust, but what comes around goes around, he has already breached your trust in having marijuana in his possession; so I do understand why you would want to read his texts, and explain that to him.

earthsister :

Honestly, I recommend not even worrying about retrieving the password, take the phone completely away, and let him know that he can retrieve it when he proves to you that you can trust him (by not handling marijuana), and when he is ready to share the password; if he isn't, pitch it: or better yet, turn it in for another phone or product that you or someone else can use.

earthsister :

These are the kinds of consequences that he needs to see put in action so that he can begin to see how what he is doing negatively affects him

earthsister :

I am neither against getting a drug test from your local pharmacy; giving him time to clean himself out, and test him every month or so. If the problem persists, finding a rehab that will work with teenagers may be your best option.

Customer: In all intents and purposes he is a phenomenal kid. When we talk about jail he said that cops are not going to arrest every kid out there. He says that 70% of his friends smoke it. Very prolific. Hard to choose which friends would be good influences. Our college kid smokes it as well but he held a very high gpa and is high functioning. We just learned this at the same time. The 16 got into it due to my mom coming to die in our home as a release from stress. Hard to trust and move forward.
earthsister :

And yes, that is the issue, the peer pressure. I am sure that your so also has talents. Also remind him that smoking marijuana can ruin his chances at securing a high earning job in the near future. Assure him that you want the best for him, and this is why you are being strict on him in regards XXXXX XXXXX His friends are not your concern, he is. If there are any activities that he can get involved in (sports, clubs, music, or other extra curricular activities that involve adult supervision), this may be a good thing too.

earthsister :

and pardon the typo, I meant , your son


Thank you. Appreciate your feedback.

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