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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have my bachelors degree in psychology. I worked with children. Since then I have raised and still raising 3 wonderful boys.
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Unhappy mom 0f 2. Husband aggressive 95% of the time. Good

Customer Question

Unhappy mom 0f 2. Husband aggressive 95% of the time. Good income earner however long hours, not social. Gives me no break. Think about leaving but worry for children's sake. I would still struggle with caring but have the financial hardship too. No intimacy or physical care.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.

jenhelant :

I am so sorry to hear youryou situation. It must be extremely difficult to live this way and I know you must feel trapped in this. If your husband is dangerously aggressive then the best think would be to remove yourself and your children from the situation. They could grow up to copy that behavior besides the fact that he can hurt you or the children. Sometimes people think it will hurt the children to leave, but most situations it is the opposite and will hurt the children more to stay either physically, mentally, or emotionally.

I completely understand about raising the children and the financial aspect of it. That is a really tough call. However, your only options really are to stay and live like this or to take the financial responsibility as well as raise the children. I know that will be tough, but in the long run it does sound like it may be the best option for you since he is aggressive and you are not happy. Also, keep in mind that he will be responsible to pay child support and most need to pay you marital support for a certian amount of time since you are not working. It would be best to speak to an attorney about this since they do offer free consultations and you will know your rights.

You will need to create a plan in order for you to juggle the bills and the children, but I would seriously consider it.

Lastly, I see you have mentioned that you tried counseling before. Saving the marriage is always best if possible and there is no danger. If you feel that he is agressive and is not dangerous you can try the counseling again maybe for a longer period of time. However, it is very important if you feel he is very agressive I strongly suggest you find a way to leave. You can even get counseling just for yourself in order to help you with a plan and strength to do this, but if there is danger do not even wait for that to leave. You can still go to counseling when you are gone. When you are gone and your husband sees you are serious there is that possibility he will realize that he needs to change. You can still give him the opportunity to go to counseling himself and then get back together in the future if you would even want to. However, remember people do not change overnight. Sometimes it could take months or even years.

I hope you make the right decision. Take one day at a time and stay positive for your children's sake.


Expert:  Jen Helant replied 5 years ago.

Hi, I noticed you did not rate my answer yet. If you are satisfied than please give me a positive rating, but not I would like to continue helping you until you are satisfied. I only get compensated with a positive rating and my #1 goal is customer satisfaction.