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Ask John-Michaels Your Own Question
John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 627
Experience:  25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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i have a son who is 6 yrs old.last night, i had people over,

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i have a son who is 6 yrs old.last night, i had people over, and he was playing with the other boys. its late i agree but at 10pm one of the boys came outside and said Sean, thats my sons name, is calling his mom, he wants to go home. when i asked him why he wanted to go home, he said, i feel more comfortable in my own bed. i get him every other weekend and feel that i am losing my bond with my son, since the break up 3 yrs ago. I want to see him more and i think my ex will allow it. he doesnt have a room currently, because i had to rent part of my house to afford child support and to live. i have an office which could be converted into a bedroom, but i dont know if that will solve my problem. what should i do ?
Welcome to JustAnswer! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. Please note, this is not therapy, but information. I do hope I can help you though. It sounds like a tough situation. Personally I think turning the office into a bedroom for him is a good idea. He needs a place to call his own when he stays with you. You may already be doing this, but I also believe it is important you make sure you spend quality time with him alone when he visits. He is likely more interested in spending time with his daddy than kids his own age. Plan an activity with just you and him on each visit...maybe a card game, camp out, or even popcorn and a movie. Make sure it is just you and him with no interruptions. I hope that was helpful. Let me know if you have any questions.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

problem was that the entire weekend was just he and i hanging out together. now he has got a friend! other problem is he sleeps in my bed with me. i may have to rent out my office/ his bedroom to make ends meet. Times are tough.i just want him to feel comfortable, this is not the first time he has said this, and yes, i do all of the things you suggested in your answer. what to do

I do believe it is important you find a way to give him his own space, even if it is a small bed in the corner of your room, or better than that, maybe let him sleep on a foldout couch...Just a bed to call his own. Maybe give him some say in this matter. Ask him what he wants within reason. Make it his spot. I also would be careful not to over do it as far as trying to appease him. Routine is important. Limit the activity to really no more than would be going on if he was living there...of course, that is outside that regular daddy time we discussed. If you can get more time with him that might be good as well. Of course that would be between you and his mom. If you have a good relationship with her, you might even ask her what her thoughts are.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

One last question. I have a program that i havent looked at yet called the total transformation by james lehman. are you familiar with this program, and if so, do you recomend that i try it!

Yes, i am familiar with it. It is very effective if you are having behavior problems. I didn't understand that was the issue though. It is very involved and might be difficult to implement on just two weekends a month. More than anything it talks about consistency and I am in total agreement with the need for that. If your ex is on board with you, it might be a good idea

John-Michaels and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC