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My 10 year old son is refusing to go to school. He has already

had 2 days off this...
My 10 year old son is refusing to go to school. He has already had 2 days off this week. I am a single Mom and he is physically too strong for me to overpower. When I take away privileges he becomes violent and breaks my things and tears up my photos etc. I have no idea what to do. I have had this problem off and on for the past 3 years.
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Answered in 1 minute by:
8/9/2012
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 20
Experience: K-12 teacher w/ licenses from NV, FL and OH
Verified

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- : Does he give you a reason why he doesn't want to go to school?
Customer:

He says he doesn't like it and he feels dumb. Other times he says he just can't be bothered

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- : I would assume that is the basis of the issue, his self confidence. Is he on grade level for his age?
Customer:

he is lower end of average, his teacher says he makes a good effort though. He is very well liked at school by his teachers and friends

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- : Sorry technical issue, give me one second
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Sorry about that

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

What were his early school years like, did he like school at a younger age.

Customer:

no he has never liked school. I think my main problem is that I have no control over him at all. He knows that as soon as he becomes violent, i give in

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

My suggestions for school. If your son is on a team or in a club with a strong male role model or if he has a strong male role model in his life, attempt to bring in support from them. If he doesn't have a strong male role model, there are numerous programs that can help to find one for him.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

If your son is not in a sport, think about it. This is going to allow him to get out some of that built up energy and will allow him to find structure. If he isn't into sports, instruments or something that gives him success within a structured arena.

Customer:

that sounds like a good idea, the only male in his life is my stepfather who works away. Do they have "big brother" kind of programmes in Perth?

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I don't know an answer to that off the top of my head, however I will do some homework for you on that and see if I can find an answer.

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

What is he interested in? What motivates him?

Customer:

he loves his scooter/skateboard/bike and computer games. He doesn't like others sports though

Customer:

So is there any point trying to force him to school today?

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Finding an activity for him to get involved in can work on the reward and punishment. See if there are any skateboarding shops in the area that offer lessons. If it is his coach (skateboard) you can reach out to the coach and ask him to assist. For example, he must get his paper signed everyday over the course of a week to be allowed to play on Saturday and he must show his coach not you to allow it.


I wouldn't attempt to get physical with him in anyway. I would calmly tell him that you have an expectation of him attending school.

Customer:

ok, thanks

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I know that sounds like a bit of a weak course of action, however engaging him is not going to solve the problem at this point. Set your boundary, tell him what his consequence is and leave it at that.


 

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I will get back to you about programs that I can find in Perth.


 

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :
Customer:

ok, I am going to email the school and set up an interview with the principal again to see if he has any advice

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

Great idea, he may also have some insight into productive programs that may be able to give your son some direction.


 

Customer:

A few years ago they sent a teacher to my home to collect him in the morning, maybe they may do that a gain

Customer:

thanks for the chat, hope you have a great day

JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- :

I will be in touch soon, to relay any info I can find for you.

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I understand the poor review, as I didn't respond in a timely manner. I apologize, as my work has taken me out of town and demanded my focus.

http://ymcaperth.org.au/Youth-Services/Big-Brothers-Big-Sisters.aspx

http://www.hq.org.au/Skate/Skate-Lessons.aspx

http://www.dsr.wa.gov.au/free-skateboarding-workshops-roll-into-wa

http://www.rockandrollmountainbiking.com.au/

I don't know your exact area, however here are a few links for possible programs. I apologize for my tardiness in response and I hope the above info helps.

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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thankyou , I have applied to the big brother in Perth.
If there is anything else that I can help you with, let me know.
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 20
Experience: K-12 teacher w/ licenses from NV, FL and OH
Verified
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef- and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 5 years ago

After speaking to school councillors, they suggested calling police to get him to school, although extreme it is an effective way to deal with violence and to send a message that I mean business. Just thought that mey be helpful for your future calls

Thank you for the information. I would suggest calling into the police department and building a rapport with the officer before they come out to the house. This will make you feel more comfortable and also if the police knows where you are coming from, they are more likely to offer the support. I would also suggest that you don't call the officer in anger, if you see the situation taking a turn, I would step away and call. This is extreme and it only has a limited shelve life. If you use it too many times or the threat of it too many times it could backfire on you. I really go with the logic, a threat works but a relationship lasts. Good luck, if I can help you in the future let me know.
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JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-
JACUSTOMER-jkqny9ef-, Teacher
Category: Parenting
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Experience: K-12 teacher w/ licenses from NV, FL and OH

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