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Hello, I would like to help you this afternoon.
At this age, children are truly learning how to communicate, and as they find difficulty in doing so, it often can be frustrating for them, and they may react in ways such as throwing, yelling, or having an all out tantrum. Sometimes children will do these kinds of things simply to test the limits, and see how far you will allow them to go.
You have done, and are doing the right thing in talking to your three year old, and helping her to learn how to communicate with words, also pointing. This will help eliminate the unwanted behavior.
Are there some things that we can do that will teach her the appropriate ways to handle these situations?
She tends to target her sister more than anyone else and her sister is feeling bullied.
I can understand when she does these things out of anger but sometimes she will just throw things at us or hit us for no reason. Is that normal?
Yes, definitely, continue to teach her to talk and communicate, as she learns, you will notice this other behavior disappears. Also, work to distract her when she does begin throwing. Pull out a special toy, or book, and say, "Look what Mommy has, " also, reward her, more than punish her, when she is behaving well. Catch her being nice and kind to her sister, when she doers, encourage that behavior, "Good girl, mommy's so proud of you"...times like this are good to award her with a cookie or sticker, some treat that she enjoys.
You can also provide her with alternatives to throwing things, set her up an area in the house, maybe with a clothes basket, or even a toy soccer or basketball net, and teach her to throw the balls in there. When she begins to throw other things, redirect her to the planned area for throwing play with soft balls, and allow her to enjoy.
How can I help her older sister to deal with this?
How old is her sister?
She is 8
Your eight year old should be able to help her little sister learn not to throw. Teach your 8 year old much of what I am suggesting; not to raise her voice when her sister throws, gently stop her, and tell her no, and then redirect that behavior, either to playing catch with a ball with her sister, or leading her to the free play soft ball area.
ok I will do that Her sister tends to scream and run when it happens and I try to tell that her little sister thinks that she is playing with her
Well, I can understand how your eight year old may feel, she feel attacked. However, assure her that her little sister is still young and is learning, but doesn't know better. Also remind your 8 year old that she used to do many of the same things when she was little sister's age. Let your 8 year old know that now she is the big sister, and is in a great position to help you teach her little sister good behavior.
and pardon the typo, I meant "she feels attacked"
OK thank you so much for your time and advice
Have a good day
No problem, I am glad that I could be of some assistance. Here is one more resource that may be of aid to you:http://www.empoweringparents.com/Stopping-a-temper-tantrum.php