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I am having some "conflict" in my life. I am 35 yrs, i have

two kids a 5 yrs...
I am having some "conflict" in my life. I am 35 yrs, i have two kids a 5 yrs old girl and a 2 yrs 1/2 boy. "Perfect american family". Since i was a little girl i always wanted a big family. I had lost a total of 4 pregnancies and all my pregnancy are high risk ( doesnt botter me). I am actually a high risk OB RN.With my daugther i had eclapsia and gestational diabetes and with my son i had uncontrolled gestational diabetes and he was a preemie. Last year on march i lost a 20 weeker and right after that our lifes went down hill. Three days after i got home from the hospital my son got sick and spent 7 days in the hospital, on april he had to have ears tubes on may my little girl was diagnosed with osteosarcoma and she endured a whole yr of chemo and lost her femur, she had a limb salvage porcedure. Her case was extremelly rare, since osteosarcoma just happen in teenagers specially in males. Only 2% are kids younger than 5 yrs old and they just have 400cases/ year.
Cancer life is starting to become a "memory", however she will endure ct scan, x-rays bone scans every 3 months for the very first 2 yrs, when she hit 5 yrs survivor than it will be once a year for the last of her life. She is my everything, my miracle, my little friend and companion, she sleeps with us and we dont mind it at all, we wont take anything else for granted. Recently she has been asking for a sister, she tells us she pray so hard for God give her another baby brother or sister. She is a very special little girl, she never got jealous of her little brother, she always was so happy to help and recently she says she is sad because he is getting big and she cant hold him anymore!!! My son is also amazing!! Being only 1 year old by the time of her diagnosed he completelly became the " big brother". He knew he couldnt touch her chest port, he always walked next to her holding her walker and now giving her his hand, he used to kiss her bald head and cry everytime she was in the hospital for chemo. Even though cancer happened in my family, i consider myself blessed with actually healthy kids and happy and loving kids. My daugther was always the healthier one prior her diagnoses of cancer, she never had an ear infection, never took an antibiotic and i could count in one hand how many times she got a cold. Cancer will not define her, she wear her big left femur scar pround and now she will always have a story to tell. When she got diagnosed i quit my job to take care of my little girl and i am planning going back to work after her second scan after sepetember. Since cancer was a real monster that i couldnt "kick its butt", it was not the underneath the bed moster, the only thing i could do for her is be strong and give her strenght. She never had a mouth sore never had nausea....people even didnt believe she was getting chemo. This past week i took her to the dentist and she even didnt have no cavities and her teeth was pretty strong after her whole ordeal.
I want so bad have another baby specially that i am not getting any young but there is this really guilt feeling inside of me. Would it be wrong to have another baby after my daugther had cancer?
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7/23/2012
earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Verified

earthsister :

Hello. I would like to assist you with your concern today.

earthsister :

I definitely sounds as though you have a lot going on in your life right now. Even with these difficult challenges, it sounds as though you are very positive and upbeat, and can take all of this in stride; and I do greatly commend you.

earthsister :

I would also like to state that my opinion is from the stance of a parent, and not a medical professional, which is not who I think you were looking to confide in about this query anyway.

earthsister :

I do not think that one could judge whether right or wrong to have a baby now with your daughter having cancer and everything else that is going on. I truly do think that is a matter of the individual and those around him or her. If you feel that you yourself are strong enough to handle your daughter's health, taking care of your 2 (soon to be 3) year old, and a new baby, that is definitely your choice and decision. What must also be considered is the feelings of your spouse, your daughter, and little brother. I am sure that your daughter would be thrilled to have a new baby in the family; and this may be good for her, however I would be concerned about the time that would be taken away from her and the care that she needs (as well as your 2 1/2 year old) in taking on the responsibility of a new baby.

earthsister :

Another concern that I would have is in your own health, and that of the anticipated child. Having lost 4 pregnancies, and being high-risk, can be seen as somewhat of a dangerous position to put yourself and an unborn child in, especially considering all that is going on in your life, that is more mental stress that can add to the physical high risks already involved. Knowing that you are not much bothered with being high risk does show strength within your own character. I do think that it would be important to consider the stress that a woman's body goes through in loosing a pregnancy, and how this high risk can potentially affect the health of the unborn child. I gave birth two twins last March, and that was an automatic high risk, and my first high risk pregnancy of three, however I avoided being cut open early, and gave birth to two beautiful baby girls at home, only 3 days before their actual due date, and I was 32 then, so it is definitely possible to defeat the risks.

earthsister :

However, I honestly must say, that considering the previous losses, and especially your daughter's health, you may really want to think about what is best right now, which is raising the two wonderful children that you have been blessed to bring into the world.

Customer:

i just got your answers now i am still reading then

earthsister :

no problem, take your time.

Customer:

my thinking is : since my daugther had cancer so young she will only be out of the woods when she turns 10 yrs . Then i am scared of " tomorrow", "IF, IF"...but at the same time life goes on. When my daugther was diagnosed, i told my husband if we lost her i would be gone too, thats how big and strong connection i have with her.......she is my everything. I know we shoudlnt plan a pregnancy regarding on an opinion of a 5 yrs old..........at the same time nobody knows what the future holds. Like my sister said that she can receive a bad phone call since my nice just started driving............

Customer:

I would love to have another baby, physically i know i am not ready, i feel like i aged 30 yrs!! Mentally and emotionally we are getting there. Like i said, cancer change your life forever. My husband is willing to try for a new baby, when I asked my daugther today if she would want to share another sibling she was sooo excited, she already wanted go and buy baby things!

earthsister :

Yes, cancer does change lives forever; it took my father's life when I was 8, so I can definitely relate.

earthsister :

I, again commend your strength. Many women wouldn't even consider trying to conceive after losing a child; and understandably so; that must be a painful experience. Then again, I do understand the feeling of wanting to try try again, until you get it right, and that is respected as well.

Customer:

i guess the botXXXXX XXXXXne is that i think I would feel "guilt". Pregnancy after your battled cancer.

Customer:

pregnancy after your kid battled cancer

earthsister :

And that I can understand. As well, my concern, would be for your daughter, as well as all of you who are in existence at the moment. As long as everyone has their needs attended to as is necessary, and no one will miss out, or be put in a physically or emotionally dangerous position; it sounds like you have the support of your whole family to give motherhood another try. As a High Risk registered nurse, I am sure that you have a wealth of health information at your fingertips, and know all the right physicians to see for your high risk pregnancy.

earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Verified
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earthsister
earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
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Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.

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