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Ask earthsister Your Own Question
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience:  Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
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Having terrible problems with my 13 yr old daughter. She is

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Having terrible problems with my 13 yr old daughter. She is constantly agressive,sullen, argumentative and confrontational 24/7. I was a single parent until she was 10, i am now married for 2 yrs and expecting id twins.
She is not at all respectful to me my husband or my mum and constantly pushes the boundarys. I have grounded her, stopped pocket money and taken her phone and laptop away(at differen times) but nothing works. She has also been putting inappropriate photos of herself on facebook. I am at the end of my tether please help.

earthsister :

Good evening, I would like to be of assistance to you today.

earthsister :

How long has your daughter been acting out in this aggressive argumentative way?

earthsister :

I have a few thoughts and questions about this one. I am wondering is your daughter the only child (until the arrival of the twins)? This is a major change about to occur for her if so. If this is the case, she is going from being the only baby to being a big sister of two. I am also curious as to what is the relationship like between her, as well as you, and her father? She may be starting to feel resentful that the two of you are not together. Your daughter is in the beginning of her teen years, which in itself can be confusing and frustrating for her as her body and mind matures in many different ways and rapidly. Her putting up those photos on Facebook definitely makes me think that she is crying out for attention, whether positive or negative. Before your first instinct is to punish, talk to your daughter about her behavior. Let her know, firstly that it is unacceptable, and secondly that you are concerned for her in behaving this way. Assure your daughter that you understand many of the changes and feelings that she may be experiencing, and that you do care about her feelings. Let her know that she can come and talk to you about anything, and keep the lines of communication open by listening and guiding her as she speaks to you instead of judging and punishing. Punishment is however often necessary, however there must as well be some system of reward and praise that goes hand and hand with it. If you take away her phone or laptop, give her the guidelines of what is needed to earn them back, and keep them. Remain firm and consistent with your punishments, as well as consistently give her encouragement and praise. Be sure to spend special time with your daughter, especially with the arrival of the twins. She has to be reassured that she is just as important to you, and that you are just as concerned about her as you are the babies.

Customer: I found out i was pregnant a few months after my wedding our son is now 16 months old. We then decided to try this year for a sibling particularly as my daughter always hated being an only child.
earthsister :

Ok, I see.

Customer: Relations between us all are now at breaking point I have an appoinent on monday to see a camhs counsellor. My daughtet slso often threatens suicide i have also spoken to my family gp about this with my daughter present
earthsister :

Knowing that your daughter has threatened suicide, and often definitely makes this a case where I would sat that therapy is much needed. What exactly is a camhs counselor?

earthsister :

pardon me, I meant 'say'

Customer: We are sering a camhs cousellor on monday. She often threatens suicide. Things cannot get any worse. I have also spoken to my gp with my daughter present
earthsister :

You are definitely correct in seeking professional assistance for your daughter. Threats of suicide are serious, and should always be handled immediately. It sounds like the counselor you are going to see may be the help that you need. If not, and either way, I also recommend talking to your daughter's pediatrician about any further recommendations. Here is a link that provides some further insight into dealing with your possibly suicidal teen, and how you can help; s-Parents-Can-Do-to-Prevent-Suicide.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

earthsister :

I know that this is a highly emotional time for you as well; I was pregnant with twins 16 months ago, and boy was I emotional. Continue to take care of yourself through all of this. And if you think you may need it, don't hesitate to talk to your own physician about getting the emotional support that you may as well need.

earthsister :

Here is another alternative resource that I like a lot; you can search for the therapist of your needs by zip code; and there is a large and very qualified selection to search through;

Customer: camhs is a child and mental health counsellor. Things have been getting gradually worst since she returned to school in sept last yr. there is a lot of peer preasure and she has always struggled to make friends or stick with any hobbys/ group events i have taken her to. My ex husband her father had jad mo contact with her since she was 3 through choice. When attending infant school she was phisically bullyed and i had to changer her school. She has very low self esteem .
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