Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers
Good evening, I would like to be of assistance to you today.
How long has your daughter been acting out in this aggressive argumentative way?
I have a few thoughts and questions about this one. I am wondering is your daughter the only child (until the arrival of the twins)? This is a major change about to occur for her if so. If this is the case, she is going from being the only baby to being a big sister of two. I am also curious as to what is the relationship like between her, as well as you, and her father? She may be starting to feel resentful that the two of you are not together. Your daughter is in the beginning of her teen years, which in itself can be confusing and frustrating for her as her body and mind matures in many different ways and rapidly. Her putting up those photos on Facebook definitely makes me think that she is crying out for attention, whether positive or negative. Before your first instinct is to punish, talk to your daughter about her behavior. Let her know, firstly that it is unacceptable, and secondly that you are concerned for her in behaving this way. Assure your daughter that you understand many of the changes and feelings that she may be experiencing, and that you do care about her feelings. Let her know that she can come and talk to you about anything, and keep the lines of communication open by listening and guiding her as she speaks to you instead of judging and punishing. Punishment is however often necessary, however there must as well be some system of reward and praise that goes hand and hand with it. If you take away her phone or laptop, give her the guidelines of what is needed to earn them back, and keep them. Remain firm and consistent with your punishments, as well as consistently give her encouragement and praise. Be sure to spend special time with your daughter, especially with the arrival of the twins. She has to be reassured that she is just as important to you, and that you are just as concerned about her as you are the babies.
Ok, I see.
Knowing that your daughter has threatened suicide, and often definitely makes this a case where I would sat that therapy is much needed. What exactly is a camhs counselor?
pardon me, I meant 'say'
You are definitely correct in seeking professional assistance for your daughter. Threats of suicide are serious, and should always be handled immediately. It sounds like the counselor you are going to see may be the help that you need. If not, and either way, I also recommend talking to your daughter's pediatrician about any further recommendations. Here is a link that provides some further insight into dealing with your possibly suicidal teen, and how you can help;http://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/emotional-problems/pages/Ten-Thing s-Parents-Can-Do-to-Prevent-Suicide.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token
I know that this is a highly emotional time for you as well; I was pregnant with twins 16 months ago, and boy was I emotional. Continue to take care of yourself through all of this. And if you think you may need it, don't hesitate to talk to your own physician about getting the emotional support that you may as well need.
Here is another alternative resource that I like a lot; you can search for the therapist of your needs by zip code; and there is a large and very qualified selection to search through; http://www.goodtherapy.org/