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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am the enabling Mom of a 28-year old male who is a drug addict.

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I am the enabling Mom of a 28-year old male who is a drug addict. He has been sober since last June when he went to a rehab and then a sober house. He met a girl in September (which was not allowed) and it was not a healthy relationship, moved out of the sober house and in with her, moved out two weeks later because she cheated on him, went back to her, and he relapsed a few weeks ago. What should I do? Is it bad for him for me to help him find another rehab, or should I let him live his own life? He hates his life, himself, is tired and wants to come home. I told him last June that I believe in him; therefore, I am not allowing him to come home. I am afraid for him.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. What do you think would be best for your son? Is he open to the idea of rehab again?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for consulting Just Answer. I am sorry to hear about your son when it sounds as though he had been headed in the right direction. As a parent, it is natural to worry about our children especially when you feel that they could and should be doing so much more with their lives. If your son were to live with you, would he be able to stay sober? That may be a condition that he has to fulfill to live with you. If you feel that rehab would get him back on track more effectively than living at home, then maybe that would be a more viable option. Additionally if he did come home, it maybe hard to get him to leave and live on his own. Therefore, I get the feeling that you are in favor of rehab.

If you feel that enabling your son is doing more harm than good, it may be time to reassess the situation with your son and slowly loosen the reigns so that he will not and cannot depend on you so much...especially if he can support himself. Of course you can always provide emotional support and encouragement.

Your statements of your son hating his life and himself are very concerning and it sounds as though he may be depressed. He does need continuous psychological counseling so that he can learn intervention and coping strategies to deal with life on life's terms. Maybe family therapy can assist you better at first and then followed by individual therapy for your son.

It is great that you are such a supportive parent and want to do what is best for your son. He also must develop a different mind set about life and his purpose in this world. Maybe a longer stay in rehab may help. Furthermore, religious organizations have outreach groups to help individuals stay sober. One such program is called "Celebrate Recovery".

Hope this was helpful. If you need additional information, please let me know!
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