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John-Michaels, Counselor (LPC)
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 625
Experience:  25+ years working with familes and 6 children of my own.
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How do you deal with parental alienation? My EX had my kids

Resolved Question:

How do you deal with parental alienation? My EX had my kids write letters on her behalf the last time we went to family court. At one point my daughter was living with me and I was still expected to pay child support for her while she was living with me. I informed my EX, that it was not possible for me to do that. Then my daughter said I pay you rent and you still pay mom child support for me. I said you have to make a choice, if you live with me I will not pay support for you. Over the years our relationship deteriorated, I am not keeping in touch with her. My other two sons hardly talk to me. They tell me my EX bad mouths me.
On my birthday none of them called to wish me happy birthday. The judge stated that our kids got involved was regrettable and left it at that
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 5 years ago.
Hello! I am a Licensed Professional Counselor and have six children of my own. Note, this is not therapy, but advice. I hope I can be a help to you. This is a tough one but I am going to give it a try. First I need a little more information. What are the ages of your children? What would your children say is the reason they are not talking to you? When was the last time you had a "connection" with each of your children? What was going on then?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

With my daughter it started when she was approximately 12 years old. She stopped coming to my place and she never said why. When she was 18 she appeared at my doorstep and asked to stay with me. Then it came to a head with the child support and she moved out again. After that the relationship was cold and then she wrote that letter to the court against me on behalf of her mother.

My EX asked Peter to write a letter as well, but he refused. He kept his distance, because of the court case and he still is keeping his distance.

Paul is in Germany and we keep in touch from time to time. He also wrote a letter on behalf of his mother. When he stayed with me, he tried to make it a condition that I still pay child support to his mother even though he was no longer living with her. I feel that I am being used by kids as long as I was paying. They are all in their 20s. I saw my daughter and Peter on Christmas when we had a family get to geather.

Expert:  John-Michaels replied 5 years ago.

As I am sure you know, at this age, there is no way to force the matter. they must decide on their own they wish to have contact with you. Children very often try to reestablish contact with their alienated parent as they become adults. They also often eventually see through the trash talk of the custodial parent...

Expert:  John-Michaels replied 5 years ago.
I would say you continue reaching out to them, but without pursuing them. You do not want to push them even further away. Let them know you still care very deeply for them and wish to be a part of their lives. Whatever you do, do not down talk their mother. That is sure to backfire. You said they do not even wish you a happy birthday. Be certain to acknowledge theirs. Take every advantage of being a part of their lives. Be patient. Do not push. I feel certain in time they will reciprocate. I hope I have been of help. if you have any further questions, go ahead and ask, even after you accept. I do want to help you.
John-Michaels and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  John-Michaels replied 5 years ago.
Hi! I appreciate you allowing me to help you maybe arrive at a solution the other day. I hope I was helpful. Let me know if I can help you in any other way.

John Michaels, MS, LPC