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DrFee, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 437
Experience:  I am a Psychologist and Mother of 2.
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Hi, I spanked my dog a few months ago, I felt bad for doing

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Hi, I spanked my dog a few months ago, I felt bad for doing so, but months later I still feel bad. I know he's ok, but is it normal to continue to feel like this after all this time.
The crying sensation comes and goes.


Hello! Please remember that my responses are informational only, we are not establishing a therapeutic relationship.

Given the level of what you did (you describe it as a "spanking" rather than a "beating"), it does sound like you ought to have processed through your feelings by this point. If it had been a "brutal beating," then my response might be different. However, a smack or two on the butt, although not effective discipline for a dog, is also not a huge deal. Therefore, I'm wondering if the event has triggered other things for you.

I would recommend that you explore this with a therapist to find out more specifically why the crying response is lingering for you.

DrFee and other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you

I saw that you re-posted your question with a bit more detail. I was not surprised to hear that you suffered from some trauma as a child. It sounds like the incident with your dog triggered a lot of old feelings for you. That can be very upsetting but it does give you the opportunity to address them and try to heal from them.

I really recommend that you get some therapy to process through the trauma. Take a look at EMDR, which is highly effective for helping process past trauma.

I posted this as a "info request" so that you will not be charged again.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks so much for taking the time to review my question again, that's very nice of you. I'll look into it.

Kind regards

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I need to apologize, I didn't know you were a psychologist, I went into the parenting category for that question. I didn't go into the mental health category. Until you advised me to get help.

If I had know you were a psychologist I would have put all that info into the original question.

Again, thanks for going the extra mile for me.

There's no need to apologize!

Can I help you any further, or are you OK with the answer I gave?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I'm ok with the answer you gave me.


OK, best wishes to you.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Ma'am,

I have a question. My sister is a little hypocondriac (I probably misspelled that word) and now she has artritis. She's 42 years old.


I was wondering, could her artritis, finally be a manifestation of her internal unconcious desire to have something wrong with her?

Or is that imposible?



1. Grew up without parents.

2. No love from guardians growing up.

3. Negative comments towards her.


4. Low self steem.

5. Antisocial.

6. Arrogant.

7. Sensitive to critisism.



Hello again and thank you for requesting me!


First of all, hypochondriasis and the "desire," to have something wrong do not always go hand-in-hand. Hypochondriasis is the fear that one has or will develop something seriously medically wrong --either symptoms are interpreted as something serious (even if they are told that they are not serious), or they will worry about getting a disease (without experiencing current symptoms).


While there may be some side benefits from having something wrong (attention), most of the hypochondriacs that I've worked with this does not seem to be the primary dynamic that's driving their problem. Hypochondria seems to be a form of anxiety disorder.


A desire to have something be wrong might be better described by the term "malingering," which is the fabricating of symptoms in order to gain something --such as money (lawsuit), drugs, avoid work/military --a tangible "gain," is necessarily to identify someone as malingering. Malingering is not a mental disorder.


Factitious disorder, in contrast, is a mental disorder. Here someone exaggerates their symptoms in order to gain sympathy, nurturance, attention by playing the sick role.


You also have to keep in mind that it is possible for someone can be a hypochondriac, have a real physical disorder (such as arthritis), and also have the need for attention/nurturance (without having factitious disorder).


It sounds like your sister does have some issues, but her arthritis might be real. It's not typically the type of physical disorder that I see with someone who expresses emotions via somatic complaints. So, to answer your question, it's not "impossible," that her arthritis is a psychosomatic complaint, but I'd bet against it.


I assume you are writing the question because you are having some difficulty dealing with your sister. Is that correct? It might be better if we talk a bit about the troubles you are having rather than trying to figure out exactly what is going on with her --I'd be happy to do that with you.




Dr. Fee

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thanks very good info.

My sister arthritis is real, she's been already seen by Doctor.

But I believe it is a real physical manifestation of her mind and such.

Before that, she had a problem with silicon implanted in her legs,

Before that she was hospitalized for not drinking enough water.

Before that it was something else...

Now she finally has something real and permanent. (poor little me disorder)

She's like my Mother, they are like clones of each other.

I don't have any issues with my sister.

Like my Mom, she only calls me when she needs a favor or when she wants to be heard. However, listening to me is not part of the deal.

They hate my opinions and points of view.

My Mom doesn't respect me.

My sister is confrontational with me. She'd find some joy if I was wrong in something. The problem is that I'm rarely wrong. This is true and I'm not being egocentric.

She's two years older but we were classmates.

I was a top of the class student, now I'm the only one in my family with a college education. (I know my spelling doesn't reflect that) I studied computer information systems.

So when I tell something to my sister about anything or anyone, she tries to sound as if she knows about it as well. She also tries to disagree with what I say.

I feel really sorry for her. It seems I was better able to deal with the abuse we suffered.

She had a kid with a guy she didn't love, I guess due to her biological clock and the "what people would say" problem if she didn't have a kid.

She was with that guy for about a decade. Now she's living with a millionaire in another country.

Now I'm wrong if I say something different than what her boyfriend says.

And even now that she's taken care of, she comes up with artritis.

In my opinion, the arthritis has to be cause by her issues.

1. She's not married.

2. My family in that country she's now living in, expect her to do something work related. (Before the arthritis was found)

3. She probably knows unconsciously she's doing the same thing my Mom did. (She is doing that).

4. She probably feels she doesn't deserve her new life style (Low self steem)

5. She probably feels some people over there are jelous of her. (That's true though)

6. Her issues didn't go away in this perfect like setup.

And that's where something was going to come from or manifest itself.

In this case I think it was the arthritis. And if it wasn't that, it would have been something else.

My Mom,

She suffers from anxiety, and other than that her personality is a lot like my sister's.

I've told her to go see a therapist for many years now. She still doesn't hasn't done it.

She goes to the emergency sometimes a few times per Month. But they never find anything wrong with her. Still she doesn't do what I tell her.

She came to visit me last December; we spent about 12 hours in the ER. in two different occasions. She still won't go to therapy.

She prefers to live in denial...

They both sound like difficult people. The level of relationship that you can have with them, sadly, is limited. It's unfortunate that your mother won't go to therapy, going to the ER is completely unnecessary for anxiety attacks.


How else can I help you?

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

With all you know now, do you believe my sister artritis could be cause by herself? Or do you believe it's just a random thing?