Parenting

Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Parenting
This answer was rated:

Sleep question. My daughter is currently sleeping from 1

Sleep question. My daughter is currently...
Sleep question.

My daughter is currently sleeping from 1 am to 8 am, thanks God for this. But thing is my friends are telling me I should train her get herself to sleep instead of holding her in our arms to sleep / nursing her to sleep (which both ways me and my husband are using). Can I have your piece of advice? To me I see that she just does not know how to get herself to sleep. She can stay active from past feeding to the next feeding (3.5 hours apart).

Thank you so much. :)
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Answered in 15 minutes by:
5/23/2012
earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Verified

earthsister :

Good afternoon, may I be of assistance?

Ask Your Own Parenting Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Verified
Hi. Welcome. I am a Licensed Master Social Worker with more than 20 years experience working with individuals and families. I am also a mom of Twins.

Welcome back and thank your for requesting me. You are asking all wonderful questions and there are many different views on sleep training out there and no one way is the right way. It all comes down to personal choice and styles and what works for you and your husband. There are some families that have their children in the beds, there are others who use cry it out, there are some that rock...it becomes a personal choice.

My opinion as a Social Worker and Mom is helping your baby to learn to sleep on their own is a wonderful way. Learning to sleep on your won takes practice and patience on your part. Imagine yourself when you wake up at night feeling a bit restless...wouldn't it be nice if someone would come and rub your back until you fell back asleep? Of course it would...but what happens on the night that the person can't come and rub your back? Most likely you wont sleep. But if that person came in periodically at specific intervals, and gave you some gentle reassurance you might be able to drift back off and then at some point not even need the gentle reassurance.

There are many schools of thought that suggest true sleep training shouldn't begin until 3 months when your baby can go for longer periods without a feeding. Yours is sleeping well for these hours but yes she has gotten used to the rocking and the nursing. Sometimes at this age we just do what we have to do so they can sleep and we can too. It is exhausting and your marathon has just begun.

If you gently want to start some mild training here are my thoughts. Make sure she sleeps in the same place every times she sleeps....no wiggle room there. If it is in a crib in her room then every nap and nighttime sleep should be in the same place. If it is in a bassinet in your room then fine as long as that is where she sleeps every time she sleeps.

She has gotten used to the nursing and the rocking so you can still do this but don't let her fall asleep like that. As you see her get sleepy place her in her crib and give a gentle pat or rub on the back and then walk out of the room. Most likely screaming will ensue, but that is okay, she is not in pain. At this age because she is so young, I wouldn't wait for more than 3 minutes before you return for another pat or gentle rub. The 3 minutes will feel like 3 hours because it is agony for YOU. She is doing what she is supposed to so no worries. Repeat this over and over without deviation and every few nights you can extend the time before going back in by one minute.

It isn't easy but it can be done and we have all survived. I did it and it was excruciating...but that brings up a another point. If there is one of you who can tough out the screaming a bit better then that is the one who should handle it all. My 3 year olds sleep through the night from 7-7 and have been since they were 5 months old.

Remember she is still young but you can gently start to encourage her to sleep on her own. And don't forget the old adage....'anyone who has said they slept like a baby has never had one.' :-)

I know that you requested me directly and I am glad to respond. Please write for Jen when responding. I look forward to hearing back.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Verified
TherapistJen and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Please excuse me for intervening, I did not know there was a specific request on this question. I only saw it available through my email, and when I pressed the link, I was opened to the chat. I ask that you do not accept my previous question, as I failed to exclude the "ACCEPT" button, seeing that I was only making an introduction. I hope everything works out for you. If you would like any additional insight, from the point of view of a mother of twin breastfed girls, please let me know. Thank you.
earthsister
earthsister, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 141
Experience: Home Child Care Provider, and mother of 4; two pre-teen boys and twin baby girls.
Verified
earthsister and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Sorry for the confusions, I didn't know this would end up in the open discussion section. I was actually on a conversation thread with Jennifer on parenting questions, the sleeping question is a continuation new topic. I thought opening this new topic in the textbox under Jennifer's profile would go direct to Jennifer only, but turns out not. :(

Anyways thank you earthsister so much for helping! :-)

I am here. I am so sorry...it is not your fault that there is confusion. The above expert came in before realizing that you had requested me and stepped out with grace once she realized.

So I am here....and since there are a few in the mix, just write for CoachJenK and I will get it.

To clarify a bit further...if you request me...I have a certain amount of time to respond, so if I am not at my computer in my office then after a few minutes the question becomes open to others. If you are desirous of only working with me all you need to do is let them know you are waiting for me to respond. I am usually close by and it rarely takes more than a half hour to respond even if it is to tell you when I will be available if I am not at that exact moment. Hope that all makes sense.

So always put my name at the beginning so it is clear you want me and if the question becomes open and you want to wait for me then just let the other expert know that. I should also say that if you and I are in a chat and another expert comes in, the chat ends and the only way to get back to chat is by you starting a new question with my name at the beginning. I hope all of that makes sense. Please only click accept or provide feedback when you are satisfied with an answer that has been given to your question.

Please do not click accept on this current response from me...you have already paid me. Thank you and thank you for the lovely feedback. I am here always.
Ask Your Own Parenting Question
Customer reply replied 5 years ago
This is for Jennifer (CoachJenK).
=================================

Thank you so much for helping me even on how to use this site. You're always so helpful! Just hope I didn't cause any one of you confusions or trouble.

Thank you you really encouraged me to try gently training her now. Thanks for telling me I should train her in the same sleeping place.. cos I usually move her around.
Yes I'm going to try your advice! :)

One thing i want to ask further : She usually stays awake and alive after feedings, and can "play" by herself for over 1.5 hour in bed. After this long time she will start crying. Should I wait until she start crying, or should I go straight to the rocking/nursing a little bit first, make her feel sleepy, then put her to the bed and start the training? What are some of your thoughts? Thanks so much really!

Btw, I'm bit confused on when to click the "Accept Answer". So now I should click on "Reply to Expert", is that right? And the thread can end without a "final" accept answer, is that right?
No worries. You haven't caused any issues whatsoever. Yes, you click reply to expert so that I can read your response and when you are satisfied with an answer I give then you click accept and I am paid. I asked you not to accept the above answer because you shouldn't pay for the confusion that existed. But moving forward, when we work together and you are satisfied then you click accept. It is always voluntary.

You bring up another great question....she may not be ready to sleep after the feeding so I am wondering if you begin to move the feeding a little earlier and then get her into a nighttime routine and doing the same thing every night so that she begins to learn that this is the routine and you are preparing her for sleep. The fact that she can play on her own like that is great. She then cries because she is tired and she has gotten used to you rocking and then possibly nursing her until she falls off.

So even though she is young I would still suggest getting into the same routine night after night....same times for everything, bath, feeding, singing etc.

She is going to bed late now an I would try to get that earlier...and you can do that by every few nights moving it up by 15 minutes. Yes she might get up a bit earlier but we want her system to start to get used to night and day.

So for example, 8pm....play time....read a book, play with mobile....bath time, feeding, burping, cuddling, rocking singing...diaper change. swaddle her. place her in crib....rub her back for a brief few moments. Mommy loves you. Leave the room.

If she cries go back in 3 minutes...pat her, mommy loves you and leave the room.
Give her that reassurance that you are there and she can do it. Its up to you, but if you pick her up she will learn that crying in her crib gets you to pick her up, but if you just come in for a minute with a loving pat and a reassuring sentence she learns you are there, you respond to her needs but it is now time to sleep.

She is learning safety in the world by this and also safety with you and also reliance on herself to be able to do it. Remember she will cry...this is new for all of you. Routine routine...did I say routine? :-) Babies and children thrive on it and come to rely on it and that is what helps them to feel safe and secure as they don't need to guess what is coming next.

As you know mine are 3 and I still dont deviate...dinner, bath, books, bed. They only get up if they aren't feeling well. Otherwise nitey nite and it's mommy time! :-)
And yes, smae place for sleep no matter when. Imagine you had to sleep somewhere different each time? You probably wouldn't sleep as well. Routine, routine, routine. Did I say routine? Oh yes, I did AGAIN. Get my drift?

Again I am always here and I enjoy working with you so please ask away. You will also learn that once you think youve got it, she will enter a new phase and you will be guessing once again. you are not alone. and for you? Get sleep when you can and do things for yourself too. That makes us all better Mommies.
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
Verified
TherapistJen and 87 other Parenting Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Ask TherapistJen Your Own Question
TherapistJen
TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3,569
3,569 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.

TherapistJen is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help.

Mary C.Freshfield, Liverpool, UK

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!

AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.

GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.

JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around.

EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know.

RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.

DianeDallas, TX

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Cher

Cher

Teacher

93 satisfied customers

Extensive Experience working with Children/Teens; M.A. Teacher/Tutor 40+ yrs.; Parent of 2

Jennifer

Jennifer

School Psychologist

77 satisfied customers

Collaborative parent consultation on everything from modifying behavior to child development.

professional_Alison

professional_Alison

Child Care

77 satisfied customers

Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare

Dr. L

Dr. L

Psychologist

40 satisfied customers

Licensed as psychologist and marriage and family therapist

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Dr. Shirley Schaye

Doctor

38 satisfied customers

PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy

Eveningstargazer

Eveningstargazer

Family Counselor

31 satisfied customers

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Alicia_MSW

Alicia_MSW

Family Counselor

21 satisfied customers

Licensed social worker and psychotherapist

< Previous | Next >

Related Parenting Questions
My husband and I have been looking for a home for 7 years
My husband and I have been looking for a home for 7 years and due to several of my restrictions and safety concerns have not been able to find one until now. My 8 year old daughter is on board and wou… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has
Dear Sir/Madam, I am very concerned about my 11 year old daughter. She has been away from me for about 2 years, and finally now I am seeing her every weekend. She has always been a girl who loved pink… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl
I am currently married with 2 children: a 5 year old girl who will be 6 y/o on March, 2018 and my son who will be 3 years old this month (nov, 2017).Their personalities are very different and I'm very… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
What is my best defense against a group of people that are
what is my best defense against a group of people that are contributing to the delinquency of a minor?… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
My 2 yrs old just started climbing out her bed 3 nights ago.
Hi, My 2 yrs old just started climbing out her bed 3 nights ago. We switched her bed to toddler bed last night with side railing but then she refused to sleep in it. We had to put back her crib side b… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My 8 years old daughters complains about everyrhing.
My 8 years old daughters complains about everyrhing. Sometimes when she tells me that she is feeling sick I don´t believe her because I don´t think it´s true. Latetly she has complain about pain in he… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
How can a 23 year old female work through / get over built
How can a 23 year old female work through / get over built up anger / resentment / feelings of loss over having grown up in a divorced home with need for both parents, not just one? This high-function… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
My daughter is 14 years old, my husband and I are very
My daughter is 14 years old, my husband and I are very protective, she feels we do not trust her, which is not the case, but we just don't trust the boys out there. We live in a good neighborhood, whi… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
446 satisfied customers
I'm having problems w my 19yo stepson, he doesnt respect me.
I'm having problems w my 19yo stepson, he doesnt respect me. He's been living wiih us frm the age of 8yo. anything I say bothers him he is lazy, doesnt do anything in the hse just free loader, no coll… read more
Marie
Marie
506 satisfied customers
I am driving myself bonkers! My daughter 15 1/2 only child.
Hi ! I am driving myself bonkers! My daughter 15 1/2 only child. I am so terrified when shes not with me or in her room safe and sound! When she leaves for school, i pray for her safe trip, good day, … read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I am having major problems with my 15 year old daughter. how
Hi, I am having major problems with my 15 year old daughter. how do you help. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
My daughter is 5 years old and doesn't finish her school
My daughter is 5 years old and doesn't finish her school work from talking so much. She is spoiled, and doesn't listen to anybody anymore. How do we get her to listen to authority without spanking her… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
My 9 year old son has these episodes where he crys loudly
My 9 year old son has these episodes where he crys loudly over small things like taking a shower. He's great at school and in sports but just has a bad attitude at home when he's asked to do something… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
54 satisfied customers
What should i do with an incorrigible teen? He dislikes mom,
what should i do with an incorrigible teen? He dislikes mom, won't go along with the rules, keeps running away using interesting methods of escape, wants his own job and apartment, thinks he's grown u… read more
Jennifer
Jennifer
School Psychologist
Master's Degree
77 satisfied customers
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken
Second opinion] This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken record asking this and that about what to do about my and our kids situation.To summarize, my spouse and I had an argument whil… read more
CounselorJules
CounselorJules
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
54 satisfied customers
My seven-year-old son has dyslexia and he is in second
My seven-year-old son has dyslexia and he is in second grade. He is reading but he reads slow. We are seeing great progress. He also has a tutor helping him that specializes in this disorder.With this… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken
This is a hard topic to discuss and I feel like a broken record asking this and that about what to do about my and our kids' situation.To summarize, my spouse and I had an argument while drinking, and… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
166 satisfied customers
We have a boy who is turning 3 and he refuses to use the
Hello. We have a boy who is turning 3 and he refuses to use the potty to poop. He has no problem making pee. He is a very bright and self confident kid, who loves chocolate, and not even the big choco… read more
Dr SS
Dr SS
Doctoral Degree
12,327 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x