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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1523
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Not sure if Im in the right "category". Need help. Have 25

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Not sure if I'm in the right "category". Need help. Have 25 year old daughter that was raped her fresman year in college. She had multiple free rides to college based on her grades and she was the "talent" of the rodeo team. She went to State/Nationals many times. She was the "golden child", until the rate. She would not let us press charges, she would not go to counseling....she got into drugs...we are raising her 3 year old grandbaby (who is a babydoll) daughter has been arrested in 2002 that I bailed her out. No thank you, XXXXX XXXXX with the "bad crowd" in another town. Scum. Sorry, but that is what they are. She was picked up stealing hot dogs to survive. City sentencing. Taken care of. Then in September she was picked up with another two guys in her vehicle and drug/paraphanlia found in her purse and on them. She "denies" it was her. However, she had a court date April 17, 2012 that she missed because she was picked up in a stolen pick-up. This charge has been dropped as the officer wrote down something wrong in the license. NOT stolen. But while she was there, she missed court date and the bondsman "surrendered" her bond and was picked up on it. Doubling her bond. She has been staying around Casino's that are known for meth users/meth sales and where the people will actually sleep 2-3 days eating food on the tables that people leave. She is 25. Will not admit her being around these people she is hanging around are "wrong" for her. I checked witht he bondsman and most of them have been known/charged with drugs use or sales. I want her to get help. We have been supporting her with room/board until a month ago that we finally cut it off. She has refused many times to come home, swears she's not using and just wants to "get out to go back to worK". She is in a horrible county jail that is large and known for the officers (has been in the newspaper) for their cruely. I have no problem letting her wake up to what she's doing in jail..but I don't want her hurt by officers. She keeps calling for bond money, cries and then gets upset at the treatment and then gets mad because we're not immediately posting bond. She say's "fine, just let m know you're going to let me rot in here and I'll never never call your house again"....I don't want to lose her. We have her daughter (Temporary Custody), but I don't want her in the same crowd. Don't know what to do. Don't have the money. I clean for a living and I've cleaned a lot of "toilets" for her and I'm old and tired, but I love my daughter. Suggestions?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
A few things come to mind with your situation. First, it is the typical drug addict story and the trail of mess it leaves loves ones. You are left picking up the pieces. Second, is that she is a drug user and IS the bad crowd. Third, you are powerless. You have already kicked her out and hopefully you do not give her one cent. By having her stay with you and giving her money; this is called enabling, and it doesn't work. She will not get help unless she is court-ordered to. And, more than likely, it will take about ten times in treatment for it to work. That is the average. So, You take care of your grandaughter, unfortunately this burden was placed on you. Push for full custody. Your grandaughter needs a stable individual in her life, and it won't be her mother for a long time, if ever. Don't spend one minute worrying about your daughter. It is very sad to say, but she has been gone a long time. The more you worry about her, the less focus you put on your grandaughter. So, move forward with your life without your daughter in the equation and maybe one day she will straighten up.Good luck to you. If you have anything else you need please let me know. I work with this type of issue all the time.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Will she hates up forever? Leave our life forever? Also, afraid if she gets out she might "take off" with grandbaby whome we have co-custody with her never do well father (yes, they were quite a team..but in Texas, if there is a parent...he was gone for oever a year and a half "doing his own thing" never providing emotion or financial support..anyway, the "father" has rights..Grandparents DO NOT. He is abusive,, but just inside the law and we can't seem to do anything about it. We won Temporary Custody in Oklahoma where we live, but since they were divorced in Texas, the Texas Judge pulled the jurisdiction back. The father didn't want her back, the girlfriend from did. They just struck two horiziontol oil wells (LOTS of money...the grandparents anyway). None of that side wanted anything to do with this baby until the "girlfriend" of her father WANTED her...We only have "standing" in Texas. Makes no sense with all the grandparents raising children now a days. Anyway, I don't want to lose my 25 year olds love......
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 5 years ago.
She may very well hate you forever. But you have to remember that it is the addict talking and not your daughter. She will probably try to keep getting things from you so she won't go away. You just need to stand firm in your stance. Don't let her see the child, unless court ordered. And definitely don't let her visit unsupervised. Not even phone conversations.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
If we turn her out of our life until she straightens out, how does she do anything good if she has no job, conviction and no vehicle. Without us helping won't she get deeper into the drug world. That is why we've kept a roof over her head and close to where she could walk to work. She was working part time. I just don't know how she survives and is expected to go down a better path when she has no way to get there..