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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
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Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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I am concerned about my neighbour...she has two sons 2 and

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I am concerned about my neighbour...she has two sons 2 and 5 years old and a partner. She tells me that her and her partner dont get along, only staying together for the kids sake. they constantly argue, call each other names, there has been domestic violence in the past between them. she is constantly going on about the boys behaviour and when i suggest that some if it may be contributed to their home environment and make some suggestions eg counselling, or another source for her to talk to. she does not appear interested. i am getting sick of her moaning to me. she asks for help but does not do anything to change the situation
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and Thank You for using Just Answer. I commend you for being so concerned about your neighbor and especially thinking about the emotional well being of the children. The children are very young and therefore very impressionable. With regards XXXXX XXXXX children, if you feel that they have are experiencing emotional abuse, call your local department of child and family services (DCFS) just out of protection for the children. With regards XXXXX XXXXX friend, she must have the strength and courage to make changes...otherwise nothing will be different. Your friend keeps coming to you because she does need help. Maybe suggest that you will go with her to counseling if fear is stopping her. Then once she gets established with an expert counselor, she can seek relationship counseling and/or therapy with her partner. Although you are fed up with your neighbor's rating and raving, you are probably the only individual that she trusts with her problems. Just continue to be as cordial as you can be. When she approaches you again, ask her...How can I help you? What would you like me to do? If she really has no answer, look her dead in the eyes and tell her that you have given her numerous suggestions and she must take action. That is the only viable option in order for things to improve and the children to stop being exposed to such negativity.

Hope this provided insight.
Have a wonderful day!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have suggested that i go with her to counselling but she declines,,i have taken her to a womens centre where she can just pop in if she wants someone to talk relation to the boys and the department of child protection...i have not considered this as at times she is very warm towards them and their dad is a protective factor...he does so much with them...from my views.. i see their relationship and her past as impacting on their parenting of the boys eg..she has had therapy with one of her sons for attachment this went of for over a year..
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
So what I ascertain from your description is that your friend already knows what she needs to do? Did I get that right? If you were to limit contact with your friend, how would that make you feel? What is your relationship like with your friend? Does she seem to have many other friends? Do you have children of your own around the age of your neighbor's children?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
That is what i am considering distancing myself...i feel that i am more concerned about her than she is herself...i suppose i do not have full unerstanding about peoples readiness to address their issues..could you explain this to me maybe
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Your neighbor seems to be using you as her sounding board and causing her problems to be your problems as well. Thus, you feel burned out and frustrated from hearing about her constant problems. The only way to allow her to address her own issues is to tell her that you cannot help her solve her problems with her partner. Tell her that you are concerned about her well being and want the best for her in a happy home environment but she must take action. She may just dismiss you and move on to someone else with her problems as that may be her pattern. It is best to just limit contact. A simple Hello or Goodbye in passing should suffice for now. Give her the space that she needs. If you keep talking with her, she will not make any progress. You have already given her the tools. She must use them effectively. It is her choice to change or not. You have done your part as a kind neighbor!
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