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TherapistJen
TherapistJen, LCSW, CPC
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 3491
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker. Certified Coach Mom of Twins.
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ive moved my daughter in with me from oklahoma because she

Resolved Question:

ive moved my daughter in with me from oklahoma because she said she was afraid with the boyfriend her mother has.says hes always drinking and stuff.but now shes talked to her mother and her mom has convinced her to want to go back no matter the situation.now shes hard to deal with.do you have any advice how to handle that as a father that just wants her to be safe?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  TherapistJen replied 5 years ago.

CoachJenK :

Hi Welcome. I am with you Dad! If my child didn't feel safe somewhere and there is this issue of safety, I would not be advocating for her to go back there.

Customer:

so how would you handle that.all i can think is not let her mother talk to her for now.

CoachJenK :

are the two of you together?

Customer:

no

CoachJenK :

ok well you cant prevent that from happening but you can impress upon your daughter your worry and concern for her safety and you not wanting her to go back to that situation.

CoachJenK :

you are a great Dad!

CoachJenK :

She is lucky to have you. Not sure why mom would want her to go back but safety first always in my book!!!

Customer:

of course my daughter misses her.but again her mother has done nothing to change the situation.her mother makes it out as if im the bad guy here

CoachJenK :

i wish that wasnt happening. What does your daughter want?

CoachJenK :

How old is your daughter?

CoachJenK :

If the boyfriend is putting her at risk i would hope her mom would take that into account and take care of her child first.

Customer:

she the one that came down here telling me how it was and didnt want to go back till everything was better.she talked to her mom yesterday and it wasnt monitored.now shes saying she wants to go back,she doesnt care how the situation there is.so her moms pulling on her heart strings i guess.at first when i kept her down here,her mom said all the right things,that shes getting rid of boyfriend,she did but two days later he was back.daughters 9

CoachJenK :

I am sorry to hear of all that strife. If you believe that your child is in danger with him around i would suggest contacting your attorney to see what your rights are.

Customer:

yeh.attorney said i could keep her here.i would just like to know how to handle my daughter

CoachJenK :

ok I just needed to get the clarification first.

Customer:

there is no custody agreement

CoachJenK :

because your daughter is young it is hard to be completely open about all of it and so I would just simply state that since she wasn't feeling good in that situation that she is going to stay with you for a while until it can all be worked out. Both you and her mom love her and want her safe. Let her know she can speak with her mom at any point so that she can still feel connected

Customer:

ok

CoachJenK :

and I would work with your ex on getting that guy out so that you can feel safe for her daughter to go back there but you cannot be the great dad you are and put her back in a situation that feels dangerous to you.

Customer:

makes sense thanks

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