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professional_Alison
professional_Alison, Child Care
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience:  Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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I have just discovered that my daughter (17) is smoking. I

Customer Question

I have just discovered that my daughter (17) is smoking. I found three lighters and a pack of empty cigarettes in her handbag this weekend when looking for her makeup bag. She is at boarding school all week and I know they have a rule that smoking is not allowed. Her grandfather also died from lung cancer due to smoking. I don't know how to talk to her about this - I want to do it right in order that she makes the decision to stop. Also, I do know that she was caught hanging out with her new friends at school when they were caught smoking a few months ago.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  professional_Alison replied 5 years ago.

professional_Alison :

Hello there, may I help you?

Customer:

I'm waiting for a response to my question

professional_Alison :

Ok

professional_Alison :

Although your daughter is legally old enough to smoke, as you said she is still at school and the school does not allow it. You need to be careful how you handle this otherwise she is likely to go behind your back and continue smoking.

Customer:

Yes this is my worry - so I want to get it as right as possible.

professional_Alison :

You need to put the ball in her court and make it her decision to stop smoking, explain that it is up to her if she wishes to smoke but point how the cost, money she could be using to buy clothes, go out with friend etc.

professional_Alison :

Then gently mention the dangers of the smoking and that her uncle dies of smoking. Also the fact of getting into trouble at school for smoking is not good.

professional_Alison :

You cant force her to stop as legally she is allowed to but you can make her aware that you are and are not happy that she does. If you give her money also make her aware that is she continued to choose to smoke you will not fund this habit and give her extra money for outing etc if you know she is smoking

professional_Alison :

The direction to take is to treat her and talk to her as an adult and make her feel that you are not telling her what to do but merely advising her and the final decision is down to her.

professional_Alison :

She is more likely to make the correct decision if she reaches the conclusion herself rather than you trying to force her.

Customer:

ok. thank you

professional_Alison :

If this helps you with your question please accept, if ican help you further please pm me

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