Have Parenting Questions? Ask a Parenting Counselor for Answers
Hello, I am Rafael. Thanks for asking your question - I'm here to support you.
This seems like an overwhelming experience for you.
Is this your first baby?
How much does your husband support you when she is awake late at night?
yes i am very overwhelmed. Just hearing that makes me feel a bit better
my husband works long hours and I stay home
I am sure you do, I am a parent too and know how it feels to be in your shoes.
I used to have a busy career myself so mothering has been a big transition for me.
my husband helps in the night when i am at my wits end
not routinely though
So it is a dramatic change in your life style.
my daughter has never taken a bottle and still nurses quite a bit
Pediatricians are the professionals needed to regularly evaluate children development, maturation process, growth and provide support on any challenge or issue they may present, guiding parents on how to cope better cope and support them in assertive and effective ways.
Babies and infants having sleep problems is a common issue many parents face, even more first time parents because of the lack of previous experience with similar situation. This is why close pediatric support plus professional counseling on parenting and coping are necessary.
Another core issue making things more challenging and even overwhelming is the lack of husband’s support for taking care of the infant during the day after coming back from work, and during night hours. In such cases it is essential to work on communication, understanding and support issues between spouses.
Babies do not sleep for several reasons, and that’s why pediatric support is necessary, not only to understand the behavior but to cope with it and provide sound support, not getting more stressed than necessary as long as taking adequate steps to protect and nurture your baby.
Yes I have seen a pediatrician and he recommened letting the baby cry until she falls asleep with me checkign in every so often. Im not comfortable with this. but perhaps another visit would be helpful
I guess what i want to know from your end is do you think I am causing my baby harm and distress
she is such a sweet happy baby
I grew up in a home where it was very controlled and vioent at times
i do not wish this for my daughter
violent i mena
im tired sorry for the spellling errors
i do my best as a parent
i just dont have a handle on this sleep bit
Some babies are just like that. I do remember spending long hours at night, walking around the house gardens and local park with my baby and wife in order to get her into sleep. That took a while and we both worked on it. When she was too exhausted I did my best and both supported each other for taking good care of our baby.
i feel like i need support but i dont know where
ok so you are saying I need to work on not getting angry
and that this too will pass
one day my daughter will sleep well?
Your baby will learn to sleep better as she matures and grows. Remember that your mood and emotions are directly connected to her own feelings and she feels and sense them. So taking good care of yourself and relaxing allows you to take better care of her.
i dont want to be frustrated with her... she is just a baby.... but I know she is tired and I feel like if i am not firm she will try to manipulate the situation
yes i need to remember her feelings are connected to mine
i forget this sometimes
Absolutely, if she was not premature neither have any medical condition affecting her, and you are breastfeeding her and having a good diet and everything needed, you just need to take better care of yourself, reducing your stress level and she will be fine.
ok. in the early mornings I need to try to get her back to sleep but if it doesnt work then I should give up and start the day. avoid getting frustrated and leaving her in her crib when i feel mad in order for her to settle?
Babies do learn to get things, so it is necessary to find a middle term about things. I believe it is ok to have such 5 minutes period. If that has been working it means your baby just needs to learn how to sleep by herself. In case she happens to have a problem, she would never get fine after 5 minutes.
Right! Please, take these challenges as totally normal parts of raising a baby and even more for you as a new mother. You need to allow yourself to enjoy the good things of this period in your life, while supporting yourself and sharing as much as possible with husband to keep healthy while raising her.
I spent several hours a night with my daughter in my arms or in her stroller, singing to her, telling her stories and things like that, or just chatting with my wife in order to cope with our physical exhaustion and feel better.
As soon as your husband comes back from work and during weekends he needs to make of his time with your baby, supporting her-you a priority, while you get some rest of such core task.
yes, the anger in the end is not very productive. when i get frustrated it sets the tone for many hours and my husband often gets frustrated. it has been a long year. my husband is willing to help for the most part
i think i need to use him more on the weekends in the night
You need to find a balance, you are still in the learning process and that’s why all the support your husband could; and should provide is necessary, from understanding and motivation, to keeping her, playing with her, helping her to eat or sleep, etc.
i just have a fear I am harming my daughter and this would be be the worst case scenario
Absolutely, and also work on improving and enriching your intimacy as a couple. Babies could take a lot if not all of parents’ attention and energy but it is fundamental for you to take care of your relationship too, since it is from there that you would be able to have what to takes to raise your child.
ok. i think i will make a list of things i need to do to make this situation better and keep it handy
i love my daughter and husband for that matter a lot and in the end I just want things to be more harmonious around the issue of child care and sleep issues
The only way you could harm your daughter –considering what you have shred here- would be if you do not improve coping with your frustration and anger. This is a normal process and your love for her, yourself and husband are the main tools allowing you to grow and learn from it.
ok. thank you. i needed to know if my frustration would harm her
and i think what you saying is that it is/will
i want to be a good parent
Counseling for parents to learn how to better cope with this very situations is very useful so always consider it as a way to support yourself. Work on ways to vent and release your negative feelings and stress and do things –activities allowing you to feel happy and fulfilled with yourself.
I truly believe you are not a good but an excellent mother, and I have seen many because of my job. Just allow yourself to be more gentle, patient, compassionate, understanding and supportive with yourself, doing what you need to relax and enjoy this precious period of your lives.