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My two youngest children have zero respect for me as their

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father. They will say that...
My two youngest children have zero respect for me as their father. They will say that they would like me to leave, I do not want to listen to you only mommy or Mommy is the boss and not you. What is amazing is that my wife refuses to tell them not to talk that way even when they do so in front of her and she claims that I need to deal with it and not her!!! Please tell me that this is not normal
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 16 minutes by:
3/20/2012
Parenting Counselor: Bonnie, Psychologist replied 5 years ago
Bonnie
Bonnie, Psychologist
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: and pediatric nurse practitioner with 30 years of experience counseling parents.
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Hello and thank you for consulting JA,

It is important that children view their parents as a team in matters of discipline. If not, they very quickly learn this and display the behavior you describe. So it is important that you two parents agree on the rules and the discipline. If the rule is talk respectfully XXXXX XXXXX parents, you need to agree on a consequence for breaking this family rule. Both of you need to present this to the children together.

The tone of your email suggests that you and mom may not agree. If you are unable to come to an agreement on your own, you may need to seek family counseling to help you with this. The children's GP can help you find someone.

I would suggest that you print this answer and share it with your wife. Hopefully you will be able to come to some agreement.
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Customer reply replied 5 years ago
Thank you for your response however, my question is whether it is normal for this to occur. I have tried and tried with my daughter but to no avail. She is reluctant to even give me a kiss at night and all her affection is with Mommy who again, refuses to see why she should get involved. I am on the brink of leaving so as to insure that I can right this ship by having the children on my own time as I do not know what else I can do.
Parenting Counselor: Bonnie, Psychologist replied 5 years ago
How old are the children? What are the possible reasons for the lack of respect? What does mom say it is? I will be back with some suggestions after your response but it may be after lunch.
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Parenting Counselor: professional_Alison, Child Care replied 5 years ago
professional_Alison
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 78
Experience: Degree in early years,16 years experience in childcare
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Hello there, may I help you?
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Parenting Counselor: professional_Alison, Child Care replied 5 years ago

This can happen where a child will only show affection to one parent and does not want to listen to or show affection to the other when they are around. How are your children with you when your wife isn't there. How long have they treated you like this for? What ages are they, if over three it would be worth sitting down with then separately explaining how much you love them and how sad it makes you feel when they are unkind to you. Expressed in a gentle but honest way will help them to understand that it hurts you when they reject you. Equally you should try not to make an issue of it on a regular basis as they may play on it if they see they are getting a reaction whether it be a positive or a negative.

 

Your wife also needs to encourage then to spend some time with you on a one to one and also as a family and positively reinforce your role within the family. Children are very clever and can play on situations to make them work to there advantage. Its important you take control of the situation without making a big issue of it with them. I hope this helps.

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Parenting Counselor: professional_Alison, Child Care replied 5 years ago

If you are happy with my response please accept.

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