However, until I hear from you, let me explain a concept to you. First, let me tell you that I am a psychoanalyst ( which means that in addition to a PhD in psychology I have another 10 plus years of training) and understand very well what you are talking about. I deal with these issues everyday in my practice. By that I mean there is a concept that I will try briefly to explain to you, that as a psychoanalyst, I need to deal with all the time. Let me explain. All of us --- you, me, your friends, everybody repeats their past. We internalize what went on when we are young and then merely repeat symbolically, if not literally what happened when we were growing up. If it was a good past --- then no problem. We are repeating a good past. However when the past was not good we repeat that too. We do not have the capacity to not repeat the past. The theory behind that is we keep repeating the "trauma" --- problem --- over and over again with the hope that we master the problem. But low and behold we keep repeating and never resolve the problem. So, you might ask, what should I do? None of us is capable of changing how our past influences the present.All of us try to change the trauma --- problems we have experienced as children but low and behold, we merely repeat the past over and over with the hope of changing things but nothing ever changes.
So you mentioned that you were divorced when your son was 8 years old. I will quote you, "His father and I divorced when he was 8 and although he sees his father regularly his father does not organize to see him or take him for the weekend (when he was younger)". That may very well have had a traumatic effect on him. A boy makes an identification with one's father and so the behaviour of his father, when he was young, may
have had a negative effect on him. Also, I don't know his age, so it's hard to say, but you'll let me know that and I will go further based on his age of what to do. I will say this --- when kids --- children and adolescents --- are troubled they are not going to sit down and talk to you they will act out --- like what your son is doing --- not doing his school work, for example. Punishing him will not do it.