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My nearly two year old father has been absent before he was

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born. At the time he...
My nearly two year old father has been absent before he was born. At the time he was adament he did not want to have anything to do with him and as such there has been no contact for nearly two years. Since then my now partner has taken on the role of Dad.
Now his father has decided that he was wrong and would like to make initial contact with his son. I am happy for him to do so, as whilst his behaviour was contemptious, he is afterall my sons father. However, he would like to proceed by providing correspondence only with his child to build a relationship in order for my son to make a choice in a few years time as to whether he would like to know him or not. In my opinion a two year old will not understand "correspondance", this is certainly not building a relationship and to abdicate all responsibility for such a big decision as to whether he wants to know his father or not is unfair on my son. I think that if he does want to know his own son, then it is better to start sooner rather than later by the odd play day, so they get to know each other and build from there. That way my son does not have to make such a big decision by himself and by starting so young will accept it as the "norm" for him to have a father and a Dad....what do you think please?
Submitted: 5 years ago.Category: Parenting
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Answered in 10 minutes by:
3/15/2012
Parenting Counselor: MaryA., Teacher, Parent replied 5 years ago
MaryA.
MaryA., Teacher, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: 10+ years as a teacher, mother to a teen and 8 year old
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MaryA. :

You are right in that your son will not know what correspondence means. He has grown to know your partner as his dad, and if the biological father wants to make contact with your/his son, then he should make physical contact with him. At this age, your son will not understand who he is entirely, since he has not been in his life. However, attempts to make contact with your son should be welcomed, as it seems you are very open to that idea. I think you are right in that your son will learn that this is the norm (biological dad) and your partner and will come to accept this into his life as he grows and develops and matures. It will not be fair to your son in the future for him to have to decide whether or not he wants his father in his life. If the father wants to be in his life, he should make the first move, have it be positive, and continue to visit and interact regularly with his son.

Customer:

Thank you MaryA.

MaryA. :

You are welcome. I hope everything works out. Please accept my answer if you are satisfied, or if you have more questions, I am here to help!

MaryA. :

Mary

Customer:

Sorry, just to check. I was planning on proceeding with introducing my son's father by his name, rather than introduce him as his father right away, at least until he proves that he is committed to being in his sons life. What do you think?

MaryA. :

I think that could be a good idea. You do want to make sure that his father is committed relationship. You also don't want to introduce him as his father right away, have them bond, and then have his father walk out of his life again. Hopefully that will not happen and he will really stay committed to making the relationship work. You and him will also have to work together on a parenting plan that will be in the best interest of your son.

MaryA. :

I'm sorry, I meant to say committed TO the relationsip

Customer:

Great thank you.

MaryA.
MaryA., Teacher, Parent
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 5
Experience: 10+ years as a teacher, mother to a teen and 8 year old
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Parenting Counselor: MaryA., Teacher, Parent replied 5 years ago
Hello. I was just wondering about how things are going with you and your son's father. Has he made contact at all? I hope everything is working out and remember if you have any other questions please feel free to contact me.

Mary
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