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Alicia_MSW, Family Counselor
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 794
Experience:  Licensed social worker and psychotherapist
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My fifteen year old son is going through my underwear when

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My fifteen year old son is going through my underwear when I am not around and wearing it. I have spoken to him about this and is simply says he is sorry and is very embarrassed. He promises not to do it again but recently I found underwear on my bedroom floor where he must have dropped it. I just do not know how to deal with this, it can't be normal?. I hate the fact that he is going through and wearing my things it's horrible. I am worried about him to. Is he gay or his he going to grow up dressing in women's clothes.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  Alicia_MSW replied 5 years ago.
Hi there,

I can certainly understand that this is a distressing situation, but the important thing is not to jump off the deep end too quickly. Freaking out or being worried about it is understandable, but it might not be the best reaction, either. Teenagers are experimenting with and learning about their sexuality, so the fact that your son is going through and wearing your underwear may not necessarily be a sign of a serious problem. Nor does it mean that he is gay or going to grow up wearing women's clothes. You've already talked to your son about it, but one thing I would say is that you don't want to make it into a bigger issue than it actually is. And you don't want your son to be afraid of discussing things with you or to develop a fear of his own sexuality. And I don't think it's necessary to rush off to bring him to a psychiatrist or anything like that - although, if you're concerned that his behavior is escalating to a point where it's affecting his school work or social life - then that might be an option in the future. Or you could also suggest the option of seeing a counselor on his own - maybe there are some issues that he doesn't feel comfortable discussing with you right now. That's completely normal for teenagers. You can find a therapist in your area on this website: But it is appropriate for you to inform him that it's not acceptable for him to go through your underwear and to let him know that it's personal and private - just as he probably wouldn't want you to go through some of his personal or private belongings. For a lot of men, women's underwear can be arousing, just for the sensation of it on the skin, but it doesn't have to mean a larger issue is at play. Just remember that while it's not typical behavior, it's not completely abnormal either. But your son does need to realize that he's violating your personal boundaries and that stealing your underwear is not something you are going to tolerate, either. It's something to keep an eye on and address, but you also don't want your son to feel ashamed of himself. Best of luck. Let me know if I can offer additional assistance.
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