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proexpert37, Educator/Life Coach
Category: Parenting
Satisfied Customers: 1374
Experience:  Teacher 20+ years, Parent, Expert Mentor
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Hello, I have a 14 yr old son that was taken away from me

Customer Question

I have a 14 yr old son that was taken away from me & given to my parents in June 1999 because I was arrested & convicted of posession w/ intent to sell meth. In the beginning of last year (2011), after 11 years they decided that they couldn't handle him any longer & put him on a plane to me and said here he's your son you deal with him. He has been diagnosed with ADHD & ODD, also he does have other emotional issues.
Now I'm 37 year old addict. I do quit using from time to time so I have my own things I'm trying to overcome. Is there anything I, as his mother, can do to gain his trust, respect, and just get along with him better!
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Parenting
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
Hello and thank you for consulting Just Answer. There are several issues going on in your life. First of all, have you attempted any intervention strategies for your behavior? When was your son diagnosed with ADHD and ODD? Did he receive any help for that? Is he on medication? Are you employed? How is the relationship between you and your son? How does he perform in school? Are there any modifications that your son needs at school? Have you or your son ever had counseling?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Yes I have but only when it was that or jail time. The last relapse lasted a number of weeks before I was attacked by a male 'friend' in my home. I fought him off, called the cops, pressed charges, went to court, reported all violations. Being in the courthouse that much I figured I'd better look like a productive member of society cause I didn't want to be stereotyped. Plus Im going through some pretty serious health problems. so I quit using meth. Now with my current medical issues (Im suffering from splenomegaly caused by a Hereditary Blood Disorder called Heredtary Spherocytosis). It has caused my to lose more weight then when I was using. Id hate to think I could be alive using right now.

My son was diagnosed during the 6th or 7th year when he lived with my parents. So he would have been between 7 or 8 year old. when he moved up here he was taking supposed to be taking Strattera, but he hid more than he took & Im unemployed at the moment also due to my health (I was fired while out on FMLA). The relationship between us is temoltuous to say the least. He won't even try in school he's getting D's & F's (even when given MAJOR INCENTIVES).I had a meeting with his school I think its called 504 hearing or something like that.

Anyway, it was supposed to help make changes in the way he's taught due to the diagnosis's. But, it isnt really working out to well for him. And we are currently in counseling, but it just started 4 weeks ago when he got in trouble for showing up to school high (he started smoking pot sometime over this last summer), no doubtedly my fault though...

Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
What grade is he in now?
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
My suggestion would be to try family counseling. It seems that he probably will not listen to a word that you say. From your other responses on another question, I understand that your financial resources are very limited. Therefore, I would suggest that you speak to your son's school psychologist. Ask him/her for a referral to a counselor or social worker who can steer you in the right direction for family counseling. You and your son must reconnect but you cannot do it alone. You both need to learn intervention and coping strategies to learn to live with each other in an effective and productive way. Also with a 504 plan, your son will not get as many special services to help him. However, if more than a year has gone by since any testing was done, tell the school psychologist in writing that you would like him tested for any possible learning disabilities. With his ADD, he should qualify to have an IEP, which is an Individualized education plan. He would be then eligible for special education services which may assist him in his learning.

Have a blessed evening. Stay encouraged!
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
do you mean testing him for ADD ADHD Etc....
Expert:  proexpert37 replied 5 years ago.
I mean testing to rule out possible learning disabilities since he is performing below grade level. If you are certain that he is capable of improving but just not willing to put forth the effort, then testing would not be necessary.